BlueGhost Hunters, Intergalactic
by GreatOne
Summary: Our Fearless Heroes embark on a new and vital mission to help the citizens of the New Republic deal with those pesky Blue-Ghosts. STORY COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

I have become rather addicted to "Ghost Hunters" on the SciFi channel, even if I qualify as a huge skeptic! So, please put aside all pro vs. con Ghostly inclinations as you read this silly story. Thanks again to my beta, **Jedi-2B**. All characters belong to LFL, blah, blah...

* * *

**Blue-Ghost Hunters, Intergalactic**

Prologue

_Yavin, eight years after ROTJ - AU, of course_.

Luke Skywalker was incredibly bored. He heaved a big sigh, then, using the Force, tossed a mirkle-berry from the bowl on the counter into his mouth. _Bored, bored, bo-_

The buzzer on his holo-cam sounded, snapping Luke out of his stupor. Reaching over, he pressed the button. "Yeah?"

Leia's face wavered into focus. "What kind of greeting is that for your only sister?"

"Oh, hi," Luke said, trying to force cheerfulness into his tone. "Sorry about that."

"What's the matter?" Leia asked, her eyes narrowing as she took in Luke's ratty gray tunic and his baggy shorts. She checked her chrono. "Is it the middle of the night on Yavin?"

"No. It's noon."

The Princess frowned. "Then why – "

"Leia," Luke interrupted, "have you ever wondered why your life turned out like it has? I mean, you're a politician, but is it because you _want _to be a politician, or are you doing what you're doing just because everyone expects you to?"

"I don't understand," Leia said carefully. "I enjoy what I do."

"I know," Luke replied. "But if you hadn't been born into this, maybe you could have done something else."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. Cablana singer? Dress designer?"

"Are you telling me you suddenly want to be a dress designer?"

"No."

"A cablana singer?"

"NO!" Luke shouted in frustration. "I'm just bored being a Jedi teacher. I know a Jedi doesn't crave adventure, but guess what? I crave adventure! Excitement! Something besides spouting dry philosophies about the Force, and meditating on my head while balancing a rock on my boot soles!"

"Oh. Well, maybe you need a vacation?"

"I guess," Luke said with a sigh. "A long, _long_ vacation."

"So does Han," Leia said. "Which is why I'm calling you."

"Go on."

"Iella called me yesterday."

"And?"

Leia continued. "She told me that Wedge told her that Wes needed a favor from you. Wes Janson?"

"I know which Wes. That doesn't sound like good news."

Leia grimaced. "Wes told Wedge that he got a call from his great-aunt and uncle, Prissy and Fritz Janson." When Luke didn't say anything, Leia plowed on, "And they seem to be having a bit of trouble that might require the help of a Jedi."

"What kind of trouble?" Luke asked suspiciously. "Anything involving Wes, or relatives of Wes, has to be handled with extreme caution."

"Apparently they have some type of spirit issues, and they want you to come and resolve them."

"Spirit issues? As in, consuming too many? No wonder I need Han's assistance. He's the expert in drinking too much."

"I heard that!" Han bellowed from across the room. "I'm not laughing, either."

"Not those kinds of spirits," Leia clarified. "Spirits, as in disembodied dead people. Maybe even Jedi or Sith spirits. Prissy and Fritz have this old inn, you see, and they can't get guests to stay the night, because these ghosts keep scaring them off. So they asked Wes to ask you if you'd come get rid of the ghosts."

Han stepped into the viewer range. "And since Leia wants me," Han wiggled his fingers in a quote-sign, "'to find something to do, or get a real, paying job', I've been pressed into helping you." Han rolled his eyes, and muttered, "Like ghosts are even real."

"They _are_ real," Luke protested. "I've seen them, and talked to them!'

"Sure, kid. Whatever." Han waved toward the wall. "I commed Wes a little bit ago, and he wants me to help him load up some stuff on the _Falcon_ we'll need, so I'll be there to get you in two days, okay?"

"Stuff?" Luke asked, confused. "What sort of stuff?"

"Miles and miles of cables, and more techno-electronic gadgets than you can shake a gimer stick at."

Luke looked flummoxed. "What are we supposed to do with that?"

"I dunno," Han said, shrugging his shoulders. "Wes says he wants to record this whole ghost shindig-thing for posterity. So he's coming along, too."

"Are you sure this isn't some elaborate joke by Wes?"

"It probably is, but your sister tells me I gotta do this, so I'm doing it. And if you know what's good for you, so will you."

Leia pushed Han aside. "Don't pay attention to him. Wes is completely serious, and you're the only one that can help poor Prissy and Fritz. You don't want them to lose their business, do you?"

"I'm not sure I care, actually…"

"LUKE!" Leia yelled, aghast. "That's not very Jedi-ish."

"Fine," Luke grumbled. "I'll go help Wes's family. But, just for the record, I have a bad feeling about this."

"So do I, but what do I know?" Han said, wincing as Leia pinched his bicep. "OW!"

Leia smiled sweetly at Luke. "Both of you will do this, and you'll be happy about it, too."

"Yes, Leia," both men said unhappily.

* * *

One

The _Millennium Falcon_ was right on time, and Luke watched as the landing gear extended as it touched down on the huge stone slabs outside the Jedi Temple. Wes was the first one off the ship, grinning broadly as he slapped Luke heartily on the back.

"You already for the trip to Taanab?" Wes asked his friend.

"I can't wait," Luke said, not trying very hard to hide his sarcasm. "I'm sure you'll have lots of ghost friends waiting for our arrival."

Wes frowned. "Ghost friends? It's just one ghost, and I can't say we've been introduced."

"Uh, huh."

"Hey, Luke," Wes protested. "This is legitimate, I swear on my mother's grave."

"Your mother is alive and well," Luke pointed out.

"So she is," Wes said with a laugh. He looked around at the old buildings. "Kinda quiet around here."

"I have a feeling I'm going to miss the peace and quiet."

"Okay, then," Wes said. "Han is waiting, and we have to make a quick stop at Talus before heading to Taanab."

"What's on Talus?" Luke questioned as he bent over to retrieve his satchel and follow Wes up the ramp.

"Just a friend," Wes explained quickly. "He's agreed to help finance us."

Luke felt his suspicions crank up several notches. "Finance? What are we doing that requires a lot of credits? And speaking of things we don't need, Han mentioned you have lots of equipment onboard. What's that for?"

Wes smiled. "You answered your own questions. That equipment is what's costing credits, and yes, we're going to need all of it. Trust me."

At this point, trusting Wes Janson was low on Luke's list of items he intended to do. The men headed into the cockpit, where Han was sitting, and looking none too happy, either.

"Hey, Kid. Have a seat."

"Where's Chewie?" Luke had assumed the Wookiee would be coming along, and it was surprising to see him nowhere in sight.

"Chewie refused to come," Han explained. "He doesn't like ghosts. I told him over and over there's no such thing as ghosts, but does he believe me? Heck, no. Big, hairy coward."

Luke glanced over his shoulder at Wes. "Has our friend here told you who we're going to meet on Talus?"

"Nope. I even threatened to blast him and shove him out of the airlock. He won't talk."

Janson plopped down in the navigator's seat, the excitement bubbling out of his senses. "And your Jedi mind tricks won't pull it out of me, either. Both of you just have to wait until we get there." Wes leaned toward the cockpit viewport, and waved at the students that had gathered to watch their Master leave. "Say goodbye to the boring life of a teacher, Luke. Things will be much more exciting from now on."

* * *

Talus

Han tugged at his vest, and gazed nervously around the spaceport. "I don't see anyone. Maybe we should leave."

"You are way too paranoid," Wes griped. "They'll be here."

"It's 'they', now? Before it was just one guy," Han protested.

Luke felt a spike through the Force of a couple of very familiar people. This was followed by a rush of jealousy, that he immediately pushed back as a dark-skinned male and a red-headed woman turned the corner and approached them. "Mara? Lando?"

"That's right," Wes crowed out. "Our investor!"

Mara Jade walked up to Luke, shaking her head in dismay. "I can't believe you're going along with them, Skywalker."

"I can't either." Luke's eyes narrowed. "And I'm not even sure anymore what I'm going along with."

"Calrissian," Han groused at the older man. "Why are you here?"

Lando gave his best salesman grin, and held out his hand for Han to shake. "Wes didn't fill you in on the details, I take it?"

"No."

"All that equipment you helped load is stuff I bought and paid for," Lando explained as he took out a small electronic screen. "All you and Luke have to do is sign the accident waiver and contract, and you'll be on your way to becoming the next big holo-net stars of the galaxy."

"Huh?"

"Wait a minute," Luke objected. "I never agreed to this!"

"Sure you did," Wes said. "I told you I was going to record this adventure, right?" He looked accusingly at Han. "Didn't you tell him that?"

"Yes, I did," Han said. "But you never said anything about showing it to the pubic! Or that Lando was involved!"

Lando gave a dramatic sigh, and folded his arms across his chest. "I'm the Executive Producer, Mara is going to be the producer, and Wes is the director. This is a holo-show, for Sith's sake. What did you think?"

"I thought we were going to help Wes's aunt and uncle_, that's_ what I thought."

Lando waved his hand dismissively. "If that happens, great. But it's not our main objective."

"Which is?"

"Entertainment!" Lando declared dramatically. "Our new show is going to be the hit of the decade, 'Blue-Ghost Hunters, Intergalactic!'. You and Han, and probably a few others later on, will be the big holo-stars of a group we'll call…" Lando hesitated. "Um. Let's see. You're all good pilots. How about 'Space Aces Pursuing Specters'?"

"SAPS?" Han yelled, resisting the urge to throttle his friend. "You want to call us SAPS?"

"It _would _be appropriate," Mara muttered.

"I think Mara should be a part of the group, too," Wes put in.

"Are you calling me a sap?" Mara said, putting her hand on her lightsaber.

"No!" Wes quickly said, holding up his hands. "We just need a good-looking woman, so men will watch."

"Janson, I should – "

"Wes is right," Lando said quickly. "We need a female as a part of the group, to balance things out a bit. You can still be the producer, too." He smiled coyly at the fuming Jade. "What do you say? Will you do it for me?"

"No."

"I'm not doing this, either," Luke said firmly. "This is just wrong. I want to _help_ people, not take advantage of them."

"But we'll be doing both!" Wes pleaded. "That way you can be happy, and so can I."

"If Mara agrees, will you?" Lando asked Luke. "Please? Please, please, please? You'll make lots of money."

"I don't care about money."

"But I do," Han said. "Leia said I needed to get a paying job, and this seems to be as good as another. It might be better, even, since it doesn't involve actual labor. So I'm in. Come on, Luke. It's not like it's a life-time commitment, like marriage."

"What about the fact you don't believe in ghosts?" Luke shot back.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"True," Lando said. "The Jedi and the Skeptic will make a great team. Along with Mara, of course."

Mara sighed. "Fine. If the Farmboy agrees, I will, too."

Luke felt his heart flutter at the idea of spending time with Mara Jade, in any capacity. "Okay. Where does this sap sign?"

--


	2. Chapter 2

Taanab

Wes Janson took a big sniff of the planet's air, then thumped his chest. "Nothing smells better than the air on Taanab. The best system in the galaxy." He looked over at his dubious friends. Lando Calrissian had decided he didn't need to come along, since he claimed he didn't want to 'step on Mara's job authority'. Wes thought it was probably because Lando was ashamed to be seen with this motley crew of ghost hunters. "Alright. I'll go rent a hover-craft, and you three get all the equipment unloaded."

"Wait a second," Mara said. "I'm the producer. I'll go get the hovercraft."

"She's pulling rank on you, Janson," Han said.

"You bet I am."

"A director shouldn't have to do manual labor," Wes objected.

"Big holo-stars shouldn't have to do manual labor, either," Luke pointed out. "We should have brought Threepio with us."

"Bite your tongue," Han snapped. "This is bad enough without Goldenrod along quoting us other-worldly statistics."

"Luke, you can't turn into a diva until after you're a big holo-star," Wes said. "Start unloading."

"Diva?!" Luke repeated. "Isn't a diva supposed to be a woman?"

Mara whipped out her lightsaber, and waved it threateningly. "If you men don't start unpacking, I'll diva you all up!"

"Why don't you use the Force to levitate these boxes?" Han questioned, annoyed he couldn't avoid the work.

"That would be wrong. The Force shouldn't be used for such trivial matters."

"Luke's right," Mara said. "The Force should be above such minor things."

"Yeah, well, I notice that you're not the one doing the heavy lifting, Jade."

Several hours of hard labor later, even Han might have admitted he missed Threepio. "I've changed my mind about this job not being hard work," he complained, hoisting a box into the hovercraft. "I quit."

"You can't quit," Wes said. "You signed the contract."

"Besides, you're the one that agreed to do this first," Luke griped.

"Someone should have told Lando my signature is worthless," Han grumbled.

Wes moved away from the Corellian. "_Just_ your signature? Since when?"

"Watch it, Janson."

Mara was perched on a stool in front of the vehicle, giving orders about where to place the equipment in the storage compartment. "It looks like we're going to need two hovercrafts to haul all these electronics."

Luke held up a device that resembled a blaster, but with some type of camera attached to the end. "What's this?"

"That's called a thermal imaging holo-unit," Mara explained.

"What's it used for?"

"It looks for hot spots, or cold spots."

Han wiped sweat off his forehead. "I could use a cold spout of ale right about now."

"Spot, not spout," Mara clarified.

"What's the point of looking for hot or cold spots?" Luke asked.

Wes grinned and ripped the holo-camera from Luke's hand. "Well, some experts claim the temperature around ghosts will show up different than the surrounding area. Some say other-worldly beings draw a lot of energy, and leave you feeling cold, a lot like your ex-girlfriend, Callista." He pointed the camera at Mara. "Now _she_ makes a really hot spot."

"Shut up, Janson," Mara warned before continuing, "Then there are experts that claim you can see a ghost because it radiates heat, when everything around it is cold."

Luke scratched his head. "I never noticed Ben made the place feel cold when he was talking to me, except on Hoth. But I guess Ben did look sort of blue, now that I'm thinking about it."

"We were _all_ blue on Hoth!" Han said.

"There you go," Wes said firmly. "Everything turns blue when it's cold. Unless the ghost is hot. Then it's red."

"Only Ben was blue on Dagobah, and it's hot on Dagobah, so why wasn't he red?" Luke pondered aloud. "I'm really confused."

"Maybe when the ghost shows up blue, it's a sad ghost," Han mused thoughtfully. "But when it's red, it's mad."

"Don't make fun of the spirits," Mara warned. "They'll get back at you."

"Bring 'em on. I prefer a direct fight."

"Most experts say to look for the cold spots, just don't ignore unexplained hot spots," Wes stated. "Actually, our job will be to point out everything to the audience, and then let them decide what's true."

"Who are these experts?" Han asked suspiciously. "Why can't they agree if a ghost shows up as either cold or hot? That would seem like a pretty basic premise to agree on."

"You're not always either hot or cold," Luke argued. "Who's to say a spirit always feels the same way?"

"When we get there, we'll ask them that question," Wes declared.

Luke had picked up another object, this one was about the size of a large dinner plate, but had a microphone attached by a wire. "What does this supposedly do?"

"That's a PVR," Mara said. "A Phantom Voice Recorder. It records spirits talking, even when you can't hear them with your own ears."

"If they wanted us to hear what they have to say, they'd speak up," Luke said. "I never had any trouble hearing Ben when he showed up."

"This sounds a lot like eavesdropping," Han said.

Wes gave a snort. "It's not like they can sue us."

"Why not?" Han demanded to know. "I'll bet there are ghosts floating around that used to be lawyers."

"Those would be the ghosts that hang around with the Sith-spirits," Wes said knowingly.

Luke rubbed his temples. "I'm getting a headache."

"Already?" Wes asked. "You haven't even met Prissy and Fritz yet."

* * *

The small group peered up at the ramshackle _Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast_. "Your aunt and uncle own this place?" Luke asked, trying to sound polite. "It's, um, very rustic-looking."

"Rustic?" Mara glared at Wes. "It looks like the type of establishment that needs fumigating."

Han nodded in agreement. "I'm not afraid of finding ghosts. It's those unwanted little vermin I'm worried about. Leia's not gonna be happy if I bring home milli-lice as a souvenir."

"You guys are just being rude," Wes said, pulling up the hovercraft close to the front porch. "My poor relatives have worked hard to bring this inn up to code."

"This is up to code?" Mara questioned as she jumped out of the back passenger seat. "Taanab must have mighty low standards."

"Maybe it's better inside than out," Luke suggested helpfully. "Don't forget the true reason we're here, and it's to help out Prissy and Fritz."

"Yeah, you tell them, Luke," Wes said righteously, leading the group up the rickety stairs to the sagging porch with green, peeling paint. "Poor Fritz and Prissy are what's really important."

The door swung open, nearly crushing Wes behind the torn screen door and the wall. A short, pudgy woman with a generous bosom came rushing outside, throwing her arms around Luke. "Wes Janson! You came, just like you promised!"

"Uh, I'm not Wes…."

She immediately turned to Han, embracing him tightly. "My eyesight's not what it used to be. Sorry, honey."

"I'm not Wes, either," Han said, trying to pry the woman away.

She turned her gaze to Mara. "Don't tell me you got one of those operations, Wes."

"For star's sake, Prissy," a male voice boomed out, and a very tall, thin man with no hair came staggering out onto the porch. "Ya crushed Wes behind the door." He squinted at Wes, who was extracting himself from behind the screen. "You _are_ Wes Janson, right?"

"At your service," Wes replied, sticking out his hand to Fritz. "This is my ghost-hunting crew, better known as 'Space Aces Pursuing Specters.'"

"Nice meeting ya, Wes," Fritz said.

"I thought you knew these people," Luke said accusingly.

"I never said that," Wes replied. "I just said I thought I was related to them."

"THOUGHT? Aren't they your aunt and uncle?"

Wes pursed his lips. "I suppose they _could_ be. Janson's a pretty common name on this planet."

"When you stay at the _Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast_, you're all family," Prissy declared. "You can come inside, and have some nice lunch I fixed up special. Then you can settle in your rooms and kick out all those ghosts tonight."

"I thought there was one ghost," Luke said.

"ONE?!" Fritz bellowed out, slapping his thighs and laughing. "That's funny, sonny-boy. If we had one ghost, that'd be quaint. I'd say we have at least thirteen, at last count."

"And every one of those ghosts has a real bad attitude," Prissy added. "Why, just a few nights ago, one of them dropped a jar of quiggel-berry jam on my head. Then, when I was trying to wash it outta my hair, one of 'em tried holding my head under the water! They're trying to kill us."

"Help us, SAPS," Fritz said in all sincerity. "You're our only hope."


	3. Chapter 3

The dining room was large, but very poorly lit. The chandelier overhead was missing half the lights, and the room's one window was tall and narrow, with a gold and green, dust-covered brocade drapery blocking out the sunlight. After dinner of stringy bantha roast and lumpy gray tubers, Prissy hustled about, removing the chipped plates in front of her guests, babbling on and on about how pleased she was to have someone staying in the inn. "A place gets a reputation, you know," she told them. "Pretty soon, all the reservations dry up, and then no more money comes in." Prissy Janson banged some cups down, and held up a brown bottle. "After-dinner drinks, for those of you interested."

"Yeah, I know all about reputations," Han muttered, picking up his cup and staring at the lipstick smudge on the rim. "I don't think I'm thirsty right now."

Wes picked up his holo-cam and pointed it in Han's direction. "Take note, viewers. Han Solo turns down booze. Proof already that this place resides in another dimension?"

"Can't wait 'til word gets out that ya'll kicked out these ghosts," Fritz said. "If you're done with the eats, let me show ya around the place."

"We'd appreciate that," Luke said politely as he and the others followed the man out of the dining room and into the living area. "How long has this place been haunted?"

"Since before I was born," Fritz replied. "My folks owned this hotel, and it was haunted even back then. But I'm of the opinion that the first ghost invited all his friends and family, 'cuz it sure has gotten a lot more crowded lately."

"Really?" Luke asked. "I don't sense anything unusual."

Prissy hurried to catch up with the group. "Lights turn on and off! When I get up in the morning, I find that pots and pans have been tossed around in the kitchen! And late at night you can sometimes hear foot steps going up and down the staircase. You're telling me that's not unusual?"

"Sounds plenty odd to me, and I've been from one side of the galaxy to the other," Han remarked. "Are you calling these nice people liars, Luke?"

Luke looked briefly flustered, then glared at his brother-in-law. "I said no such thing!"

"This is very interesting," Wes stated, still holding his holo-cam. He turned to face Mara. "What do you think about all this?"

"It sounds like the work of the Sith to me," Mara deadpanned into the holo-cam.

"That's what I say," Prissy declared. "Only a Sith would boil a pan full of sticky avena-mullet and then leave it all night to dry up." She glared at Luke. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to remove dried avena-mullet from the bottom of a pan?"

"Well, no," Luke said. "But I'm not sure leaving dirty pots really qualifies as a Sith characteristic."

"That's a man talking," Mara said, patting Prissy's arm in a conciliatory gesture.

"How many pots have you cleaned in your life, Jade?" Han wanted to know.

"How many have _you_ cleaned, Solo?"

"I can guarantee I've cleaned more than you."

"From the looks of your ship, I doubt that." Mara turned to Fritz, not giving Han a chance to respond to her insult. "Why haven't you sold the place?"

"That's what I've been telling Fritz for years and years," Prissy complained. "We could get ourselves a little bit of credits ahead, and find a nice place out in the country."

Fritz threw up his arms "This is already the country, woman! And who'd buy the place?"

"All right," Mara said. "Let me explain the way we're going to investigate. You and Prissy have to leave for the night, and then we'll set up our equipment. You can return in the morning, and we'll check out the computers for anything they might have picked up during the night."

"And, of course, we'll be sure to report any personal experiences we have during the night, too," Wes added.

"Me an' Prissy appreciate all your help," Fritz said. "We'll go get our suitcases and get outta your hair."

As soon as they drove away, Mara pointed to their own hover-craft. "Unload the boxes, and start setting everything up." She then gestured toward the kitchen. "Set a holo-cam up in there, and aim one down the staircase. I'll look around and decide where to place the other holo-cams."

"Wait a second," Wes protested. "Aren't you going to help us set up?"

"I'm the producer. Producers don't set up the equipment."

"What, exactly, does a producer do?" Han wanted to know.

"Give orders."

"Isn't that what a director does?" Luke asked.

Mara sighed. "I tell the director what to do, and the director tells you what to do."

"It appears we're at the bottom of the pecking order, Han," Luke said.

"It's no different than home, then."

* * *

Luke, Han and Wes crawled around on their hands and knees, running wires and setting up equipment for the rest of the evening. Mara had declared that the attic and basement would also be great places to put holo-cams, so the men had to struggle past years of dust and hundreds of accumulated boxes of clothes, knickknacks and old furniture.

Han let loose with a loud sneeze, and stood up, rubbing his sore back. "Why are we putting equipment up in the attic? Prissy and Fritz never mentioned strange events in either place."

"Ghosts like attics and basements," Wes replied.

"How do you know?" Han shot back. "Have they told you this?"

"I read."

Han glared down at Wes, who was still on the floor with a wire. "What have you ever read besides 'Galaxy Girl Pin-ups?'"

"Maybe he read it in the best-seller, 'Josey Dreew and the Secret of the Musty Old Basement,'" Luke said with a laugh.

Both Wes and Han turned their focus on Luke. "How do you know the title of a little girl's book?" Han questioned with a smirk.

"Jedi Master Lukey must own the entire collection of Josey Dreew novels," Wes spluttered out with a snort.

Luke felt the blood drain from his face. "I heard it mentioned once on the holo-news. How do YOU know that's a little girl's book, Han? Huh?"

"Jaina's a little girl," Han said, grinning. "My excuse is way better than yours."

Mara's voice shouted up the stairs. "Are you done up there yet?"

"We're done!" Luke yelled, rushing toward the doorway in relief.

* * *

"Alright, then," Wes said as they gathered in the living room. "Now we turn off all the lights and I'll follow the three of you around holo-recording everything you say and do for the next six hours."

"What?! Six hours?" Han yelled. "I was gonna go to sleep!"

"What kind of boring show would that make?" Mara asked. "The, 'Let's Watch Solo Snore and Drool Comedy Hour?'"

"Why do we have to turn off all the lights?" Luke questioned.

"The experts say that ghosts like the dark better," Wes stated. "It makes them feel more comfortable."

"Ben showed up during the day," Luke informed him. "He never mentioned liking the dark better."

"Ben, this and Ben, that!" Wes yelled, throwing up his arms. "Just because you've talked to a few dead guys doesn't make you the big expert!"

"Fine," Luke muttered. "Turn off the lights. See if I care."

Luke and Mara stayed downstairs turning off lights, while Han and Wes walked from guest room to guest room, and the lights flickered out one by one until it was pitch black. Suddenly, a crash reverberated throughout the inn, followed by a long series of thuds.

"What was that?" Luke said into the inky darkness.

"Rodders! Sith-spit!" Han was heard cursing. "I fell down the kriffing stairs!"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Mara said, sounding amused. "Be sure to turn on your glow-rods when all the lights are out. Safety first!"

--


	4. Chapter 4

"Now she tells me," Han muttered as he flicked on the light.

Wes walked carefully down the steps, his glow-rod making a wavering beam on the staircase. "Now, everyone needs to hold their equipment. Luke, you hold the Thermal Imaging unit, Mara, you take the Phantom Voice Recorder. The experts say ghosts like talking to women better than men - "

"There are those mysterious experts again," Luke interrupted. "I'd like to know why, if they know everything, they can't find ghosts themselves?"

"Who says they haven't?" Wes shot back, annoyed.

"They must be keeping it a pretty good secret from the rest of the galaxy, then," Luke said. "I've never heard of anyone coming forward with definite proof."

Wes huffed and spluttered for a few moments before continuing his instructions, "Solo, you hold this ion generator." He thrust a rectangular box with a bunch of control buttons on the top toward Han, then added, "I'll hold the holo-cam and record everyone's reaction."

The Corellian shined the glow rod's beam down at the box, and started pressing buttons randomly. "What's this thing do?"

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Wes screeched out.

Startled at Janson's outburst, Han nearly dropped the box and staggered backwards. "Wha..what? Why? What did I do?"

"You can't just press buttons without understanding what they do," Mara snapped. "That box sends out electrical charges to stir up the ghosts. If you press the wrong series of buttons, you might cause the ghosts to get agitated. At least that's the way Calrissian explained it when he conned me into this latest scheme of his to make money."

"Someone _might_ have thought of giving me instructions _before_ handing me the equipment," Han said, glaring at Wes.

Mara gave Han a quick lesson on using the ion generator, and then waved her PVR above her head as Wes holo-recorded. "Ghosts? Are you in this room? Prissy and Fritz would like to know why you're bothering them so much lately. Could you please reply?"

"What kind of question is that? I'm sure I'd be cranky if I had to live with Prissy and Fritz after I died," Han said.

Luke gave a loud snort of laughter, and Wes stomped his foot down in a fit of anger. "That's not funny! We have to take this seriously, or the ghosts will never show themselves!"

"Did Kenobi lose his sense of humor when he kicked the ol' hyperdrive coil, kid?" Han asked.

"No, he was pretty much the same old Ben," Luke replied. "Only see-through."

"Pay attention to your thermal unit, Skywalker," Wes ground out. "Do you see any red or blue spots that look like they might be people?"

Luke stared intently into the imaging unit. "People, huh? No… can't say that I see red or blue humans. An Ewok, maybe. Or perhaps a Jawa? Never mind. I was wrong. It's just that hairy footstool by the fireplace."

"Hey, Luke, do you remember that time Chewie had a little too much to drink, and fell into that case of blue hair dye? Where was that? Chandrilla?" Han wondered, tapping his chin in thought.

By this time, Wes Janson was getting quite upset. "March downstairs, everyone!" he snapped out. "Ghosts like basements." He followed the trio down the creaky stairs, with Mara in the lead. "Okay, Jade. Now open that door, and then gasp and scream."

Very slowly and deliberately, Mara turned around to look at Wes, shining her lamp in his eyes. "What did you just say?" Her tone was so icy, it might have frozen a bubbling geyser in the middle of an eruption.

"The audience will want to get a thrill, so you need to scream."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the woman?"

"You're dead, Wes," Luke said, shaking his head in dismay.

"I'll bet Luke could let loose with a high-pitched scream if you poked him in the right place," Han suggested.

"Watch it, Solo," Mara warned. "Luke has a lightsaber, and he knows how to use it."

"It was just an idea," Han said, sounding miffed.

"What was that?" Luke said suddenly, whipping his head around to look at the top of the stairs. "Did you hear that sound?"

"Uh, no."

"That's great, Luke!" Wes enthused, busily recording. "Those are exactly the types of comments we need. Over and over again."

"I think I heard it, too," Mara said. "It was like a creaking."

"Yes!" Luke agreed. "Let's go check it out."

"Finally, we get something I can use in the holo-show. Can you mention seeing moving shadows while you're at it?" Wes asked as he moved out of the way to allow Luke and Mara to get past him and go upstairs. "I'm following right behind you, so don't find anything until I get there."

"Notice how Janson is always last?" Han remarked.

"That's because I have to holo-record you," Wes said defensively. "It's my job."

"Keep telling yourself that," Han said, hurrying after Luke and Mara.

The group found themselves back in the living room, and Luke swung his thermal unit around in a wide circle. "I see a hot spot!" he cried out excitedly. "Right behind that big picture window! Wait a second… I see a cold spot, too! They're right next to each other!"

"Are Jedi and Sith allowed to mingle in the afterlife?" Han asked.

"Does it look like a person?" Mara asked, leaning over Luke's shoulder and looking at the image.

"Yes, it sort of does," Luke replied. He resisted the urge to put his face into Mara's shiny hair and sniff her perfume. With Mara standing so close that he could feel the warmth radiating from her body, it was certainly taking all of his willpower to keep his mind on ghosts.

"I see orbs outside," Mara said, pointing at the window. "Two yellow orbs, floating about eye level."

"I see them too!" Luke said.

"What in the seven hells of Corellia are orbs?" Han asked.

"Orbs are floating round objects, said to be associated with spirits," Wes explained, barely able to contain his glee. "We need to get them holo-recorded!"

Han busily pressed buttons on his generator. "Take that, you red Sith ghost! Eat my ions!"

"They're gone now," Luke said, disappointed. "Maybe we scared them away."

"Are you here, spirits?" Mara called out. "We didn't mean to frighten you. Please come back. Can you say something? Give us a sign of your presence?"

"Or, failing that, some presents?" Han added loudly. "I'd like some smashball tickets for the finals." He turned to Luke. "What do you want?" Han immediately noticed that Luke's eyes flicked toward Mara. "Ah," Han said, nodding in understanding. "That's a pretty tall order, even for a ghost."

"Shut up," Luke hissed, glad the room was dark enough that no one could see him blush.

Mara wasn't paying attention to Luke and Han. "Please, spirit or spirits, if there's more than one of you, give us a sign. Knock on something, or tap one of us on the arm."

"Or drop a jar of jam on Janson's head," Han put in. "That'll work, too."

"Did you hear that?" Luke whispered. "It sounds like footsteps, coming from the kitchen."

No sooner had Luke said that, when a loud crash sounded inside the kitchen, and everyone spun around in time to see a ghostly figure stagger into the living area, awkwardly waving what would be arms… if ghosts had arms.

Wes Janson let out a loud, high pitched scream, and dropped his holo-cam.


	5. Chapter 5

Wes screeched even louder as the holo-cam struck his toe. He grasped his toe, jumping up and down on one foot. "OWWW! My toe! The camera fell on my toe! I think it's broken!"

Han automatically drew his blaster, pointing at the humanoid figure draped in white. "Stay right there, you Sith-ghost, or I'll blast you into a billion space atoms!"

The ghostly apparition turned around in a full circle, saying in a very prim and familiar voice, "Oh, dear! Sith ghosts? Where?"

Luke quickly pushed Han's right arm down. "Threepio?"

The lights in the room suddenly came on, leaving everyone blinking at the unexpected assault on their eyes. "OW," Wes yelled, using his other hand to cover his face. "My eye balls! More pain!"

"Janson, if you don't stop that kriffing yelling, I'm going to have to cut your tongue out," Mara threatened. "Then you'll have something to complain about."

Han squinted past the sheet-covered being, and felt his mouth drop open. "Leia?"

The dark-haired Princess reached up and yanked the tablecloth off of the frightened droid. "Are you okay, Threepio?"

"I certainly did not expect that kitchen shelf to fall upon my head," the droid replied. "I do believe this establishment should employ a better maintenance staff."

"We could always sell your services to the Jansons as a maintenance droid," Han muttered unhappily. "You about gave us a heart-attack."

"Speak for yourself, Solo," Mara said. "I wasn't a bit scared."

"What are you doing here, Leia?" Luke asked.

Leia smiled and hurriedly gave both Han and Luke a hug. "I found out after you'd left that Lando was behind this. I felt so guilty, I had to come rescue you from whatever mess that con-artist had gotten you into."

Wes thudded down into a sofa, sending up a cloud of dust from the cushions. "Why didn't you sense Leia was standing out there, Luke?" Wes asked accusingly as he pulled off his boot and inspected his toe. "What kind of Jedi are you, anyway?"

"I wasn't paying much attention to the Force," Luke replied defensively. "I was, uh, distracted." Seeing Han's raised eyebrow, he quickly added, "By ghosts. I was distracted by ghosts, and the thermal imaging unit."

"Were you an' Threepio standing outside the front window a few minutes ago?" Han asked Leia.

"Yes."

"Ah," Han said, nodding smugly. "That explains the hot spot, the cold spot _and_ the so-called orbs."

"Solo's right," Mara concurred reluctantly. "Threepio's eyes were the orbs."

"And undoubtedly the noise, too," Han added.

"We did try the front door," Leia admitted. "It was locked, so that's when we went around back to find another entrance."

"Does this mean I get to leave now?" Han asked hopefully.

"No!" Wes shouted, jumping off the sofa, and looking pleased. "This is a better set-up, actually. We can have two teams looking in separate places, and Threepio can holo-record one of the teams. Just think, we can cover twice the space in the same amount of time." He looked eagerly toward Leia. "How about it? Can you scream?"

"Scream?" Leia asked, confused. "Why would I do that?"

"You're a woman, so you're supposed to be scared of ghosts," Mara explained, shaking her head. "Or so says Screamer Janson."

"We did make a commitment to help Prissy and Fritz," Luke pointed out. "And as long as you're here…"

"And since it's your fault we're here to begin with," Han put in.

"You could stay for a while and help us get to the bottom of this," Luke finished up.

"I guess," Leia agreed unhappily.

"Great!" Wes said, clapping. "I'll go get Threepio another holo-cam out of the hovercraft, and Leia can make use of the temperature meter, and carry a small holo-cam, too." He rushed away, his broken toe forgotten, and returned moments later, handing the befuddled droid a holo-cam and the Princess two small pieces of electronic equipment.

"What's the purpose of a temperature meter?" Leia asked.

Wes turned it on, demonstrating the thermometer. "You wave it around and look for fluctuations. The experts say a sudden drop shows that a ghost is in the room, sucking up the heat."

Threepio tilted his head. "Why would a ghost require heat?"

"They use it to manifest themselves," Wes explained.

"Then it would be more logical that the ghost would create a _warm _spot in a room, if it is indeed drawing all the heat energy from a room to itself. By doing so, the larger, remaining space would get colder," Threepio mused. "It is illogical to conclude that by drawing heat energy to manifest itself, the ghost would become colder."

"Yeah, Janson," Han said. "Explain that."

"Uh, I, well, um," Wes mumbled. "I don't think the cold spot is the actual ghost. That's why we have to look for hot spots, too."

"You're not making any sense."

"I'm not the expert, I'm just relaying what they say," Wes argued. "Pick up your equipment, and let's get these lights out again. Luke and Han can head down to the basement again, and Leia and Mara can go up to the attic. I'll follow and record the guys."

"Is that because you're afraid of me, Janson?" Mara asked making her tone fake sugary.

"I don't like this pairing," Luke complained as he flipped out the living room lights. "I should go with Mara to the basement, and Han should go with his wife."

"But ghosts like women!" Wes argued. "How many times do I have to explain that?" He glared at Mara. "That's the reason Threepio should follow you, instead of me."

"Wes just insulted your manhood, Threepio," Han told the droid.

"I am a mechanical, and therefore neither male nor female," Threepio pointed out.

"I'm not going anywhere unless I'm teamed up with Mara," Luke stated stubbornly, the words leaving his mouth before he had time to consider how they sounded.

"Pardon me?" Mara asked, putting her hands on her hips and arching an eyebrow.

"Uh," Luke stammered out. "I…I just meant that each woman should be teamed up with a man… for safety, and Han should go with Leia because they're married. So that leaves us teamed up. Right?"

"I hope you mean that we should be teamed up so I can protect _you_, and not the other way around," Mara huffed.

"Yup, that's what he meant," Han said, snickering.

"Married or not, I certainly don't need you to protect me," Leia informed Han.

Han feigned a hurt expression. "So you don't want to be with me?"

"Of course I do," Leia reassured her husband. "You _need_ me, Flyboy."

"Oh, for Force-sake," Wes grumbled. "Fine. Then Luke and Mara can go down to the basement, with Threepio recording, and I'll follow Han and Leia up to the attic. Will that make everyone happy?"

"Happy is not possible in this situation, Janson," Mara responded. "Come on, Farmboy. Let's go explore the basement."

"Oh, dear," Threepio said as he shuffled behind them. "Basements are damp, and damp places are not good for my circuits."

"Quit complaining," Luke told the droid. "At least I won't threaten to blast you every few seconds like Han does."

"That is true," Threepio agreed. "Captain Solo is going up to an attic. Attics are usually very dusty. Dust is bad for my circuits, too. But I must point out that searching for dead Sith-spirits might be bad for my circuits, as well."

"The experts say that ghosts only attack organics and steal their spirits," Mara told the droid. "Since you don't technically have a spirit, you shouldn't have to worry – too much." She grinned at the droid. "Unless we start speaking in a different voice. Then you should worry."

"Will that happen?" Threepio asked in concern.

"No, Threepio," Luke reassured the droid. "Mara is just teasing you. Right, Mara?"

"If you say so," she replied in a quivery, deep voice.

* * *

Up in the attic, Leia walked around the room while looking at the temperature gauge. "It's pretty steady," she told Wes.

"This is boring," Han said. "I'll start shooting those gigantic ions - that'll stir things up."

"Wait… it just dropped ten points!"

"See?" Han crowed. "My big ions gets them every time!"

"Ions aren't big, they're tiny," Wes said.

"Maybe _yours_ are tiny," Han shot back. "Mine are huge."

"Feel the air right here, Han," Leia said. "It's really cold, not like the rest of the room."

Han waved his hand through the spot Leia indicated. "I guess," he said, sounding less than impressed. "It's awfully close to the wall, and there isn't any insulation up here."

"Wouldn't the entire room be cold, then?" Leia questioned.

"You tell him, Princess," Wes encouraged.

A heavy thud sounded from behind Han, and he spun around on his heel. "Who's there?" Han looked suspiciously at Wes. "Did you do that?"

"Nope, not me," Wes said. "Take plenty of holo-stills, Leia. This stuff is pure prism-gems."

Han shined his light past Janson, his eyes growing wide. "Whatever you do, Janson, don't move a muscle."

"What? Why?"

"Han's not kidding," Leia whispered. "If you know what's good for you, you'll stay completely still."

"Have you ever seen anything as nasty looking as that thing?" Han whispered back to Leia.

"Never!"

"Oh, sweet Mother Goddess of Taanab," Wes croaked out, his face paling as he watched Han slowly bend down and pick up a large piece of loose lumber, and then carefully step in his direction. "It's a ghost, isn't it?"

* * *

"Well, we're back again, spirits," Mara called out, waving her PVR. "Are you here?"

Luke half-heartedly pointed his thermal imaging unit in every direction. "Mara? Do you really think there are ghosts in this inn?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "But I am the producer of 'Blue-Ghost Hunters, Intergalactic', so it really doesn't matter what I believe. Lando told us to find ghosts, so we'll find ghosts. Then we can put them in the Ghost Holder, and the Jansons will be happy."

Luke frowned. "Ghost Holder?"

"Oh, Wes hasn't told you that part, has he?" Mara said. "The next piece of equipment we bring in is a big tube, and when we turn it on it makes this loud sucking noise. The end of the tube is attached to an odd looking pot Lando calls a Ghost Holder, and we suck up the ghosts into the Holder and put a lid on the top. We'll give the Holder to Prissy and Fritz and warn them never, ever to open the Holder or it will let out all the ghosts we just caught."

"That's… that's unbelievable!" Luke said, appalled. "We can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"It's unethical, for one thing. Since when can a pot contain ghosts?"

"It's a _special _pot," Mara replied impatiently.

"I see," Luke said, indignant. "So this is a big scam, right?"

Mara shrugged. "Prissy and Fritz will be happy, and the viewers will get a good holo-show. Don't be such a malcontent."

"What happens when the ghosts come back? Huh? Then what?"

"Then we just say we must have caught _some_ of them, but not all. Thirteen is a lot of ghosts, after all."

Luke shook his head sadly. "I thought that you would be above such a devious plot. I can understand Wes and Lando… but you?"

"I used to work as an assassin, Skywalker," Mara pointed out. "This is a step up."

The two Force-sensitives glared at each other, neither wanting to back down. Then a door on the far side of the room gave a shuddering groan, and slowly swung open.

"Did you do that?" Luke asked accusingly.

"No," Mara answered.

"Maybe this would be a good time for someone to scream," Threepio said as he tried to be helpful.


	6. Chapter 6

Han's eyes were transfixed to a spot, and slowly he raised the section of lumber… then, faster than a blaster bolt, Han swung the wood while barely missing Wes's head. The cross-breeze from the assault ruffled the frightened pilot's hair as the board whacked against the wall with a resounding THUMP, before Han jerked the 'weapon' back and carefully inspected the flat surface. "Ah, ha," he declared, sounding satisfied. "Nothing but a smudge left. I got it good."

"I had faith that you would, dear," Leia said, patting Han on his back.

"G… got what?" Wes stuttered out. "You can't kill a ghost by whacking it with a stick!"

Han looked up, puzzled. "Why not?"

"They're already dead, for one thing," Wes protested, spinning around and peering at the wall. "What did it look like? Could you see through it? What was it wearing?"

"Hairy and brown, with lots of legs. No. A big pink bonnet with ruffles."

"Han!" Leia chastised. "It was not wearing a pink bonnet." She smiled sweetly at Wes. "It was closer to fuchsia."

"_WHAT?_"

Han thrust the board toward Wes. "Oh, alright. We're kidding about the bonnet."

Janson frowned as he inspected the plank. "Yuck. What's this gooey stuff?"

"Spider guts. The fuchsia color was probably the fangs," Han informed him, while Leia struggled to keep from laughing. "You're just lucky I got it before it jumped down your shirt. Then you'd have been in big trouble."

"That's not funny," Wes snapped. "I've just about had enough of your jokes, Solo."

"Good," Han declared with a nod. "I'm willing to call it a night any time you are."

"But I just got here," Leia argued.

"You go to bed, then," Wes said to Han. "Your wife wants to keep trying, so I'll stay up here with her and keep looking."

Han folded his arms across his chest and scowled. "Over my dead body."

"Shoot him, Princess," Wes instructed. "He can be ghost number fourteen."

"There _are_ some days I'd like to shoot him," Leia said.

"Whose side are you on?" Han asked, annoyed.

Leia moved to a small attic window overlooking the backyard, and signaled the men to come over. "Look," she whispered, pointing down. "I see a dark shadow, moving left to right. Do you see it?"

"Yeah," Han admitted reluctantly, watching as Leia used her small holo-cam to take pictures.

"That's never going to show up," Han said. "We're too far away and it's too dark."

"Is that a cemetery past the backyard gate?" Wes questioned nervously.

"Yes, it certainly is," Leia replied.

"They never told us there was a cemetery right outside."

"Your relatives should make that their motto," Han commented. "'The Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast - Our food might be bad, but the neighbors are quiet.'"

"Wait!" Wes said, holding up his hand. "Do you hear that?"

Han gave a groan. "How many times do we have to go through this?"

"No… I mean it this time. I heard something weird. Sorta like moaning."

"That would be the wind blowing through your empty head."

Leia shook her head, silencing Han with a gesture. "No, he's right. I do hear moaning."

Han opened his mouth to argue, then snapped it shut. Even he could hear it this time – an eerie, wailing keen wafting up from the outside graveyard - _OoooooOOOOOoooooOOo _"Okay. So maybe the neighbors aren't so quiet after all."

"Let's go check out the cemetery," Leia suggested as she hurried toward the stairs.

"Do we have to?" Wes whined in protest as he reluctantly followed the Solos.

* * *

"Nobody is going to scream, Threepio," Luke said firmly. "I'm sure it was just a breeze blowing the door open."

"Breeze?" Mara questioned in amazement. "We're down in a cellar, Farmboy. How breezy can it get?" She pointed her PVR at the door that had squeaked open. "Speak up, spirits! We have an unbeliever in our midst. Show him you're real."

"I'm not an unbeliever!" Luke protested. "I'm the one that's actually talked to a ghost."

"Braggart."

"I'm not bragging!"

"Then why do you keep throwing that in my face? Huh? Why?" Mara questioned hotly. "I might not have _seen_ a dead guy, or had a conversation with one, but the Emperor kept talking to me in my head after he died."

"Yeah, yeah. Talk about a one-track mind," Luke muttered, then said in a bad imitation of the dead Sith, "You will kill Luke Skywalker."

"Don't ask me twice," Mara warned. "Keep looking at the thermal unit." She glanced back at the droid. "Are you getting this recorded?"

"Yes, Miss Jade," Threepio replied. "But I do have a question, if you don't mind me asking."

"I mind." Mara stuck her head inside the mystery door. "It's a pantry. No way in or out. And no breeze could have simply opened it."

"Maybe the floor or the door frame is crooked," Luke suggested. "If it wasn't latched, then gravity would swing it open."

"I suppose," she conceded. "We'd need to put a level on the frame to find out, but Calrissian didn't include that with his supplies."

"Of course not," Luke said sarcastically. "Why include something that might actually be useful?"

"Master Luke?" Threepio spoke up, sounding distressed.

"Do you have a level?"

"No, I am afraid I do not."

"Do you sense anything through the Force?" Mara asked Luke. "I'm getting a strange sensation."

"Me, too," Luke admitted.

All three gave a startled leap as the door at the top of the basement stairs slammed shut, followed by an audible click by the door's handle.

"Someone just locked us down here," Luke remarked, squinting through the darkness. "We should turn on the lights."

Mara reached over and flicked the switch, and sparks crackled from the exposed overhead wires. No lights came on. "Power must be out."

"Perhaps now would be a good time for me to point out that water has been seeping up from the floor," Threepio said.

Luke and Mara quickly looked down, and could see that water was indeed rushing up, covering their ankles and rapidly rising. The wiring overhead gave another ominous cackle, and sent a shower of sparks spraying down.

"I think the Jansons have a serious water problem," Mara commented.

"Do you smell something weird?" Luke asked in concern.

"It's musky. Like someone spilled a big bottle of really cheap perfume," Mara said.

"What is that crawling down the wall, Master Luke?" Threepio asked, pointing.

Luke leaned in to get a closer look, shining his glow rod in the direction Threepio indicated. "Gross. It looks like wet mold."

"That's not wet mold," Mara said with a gasp. "That's ectoplasm!"


	7. Chapter 7

Han scratched his forehead as he swung the glow rod around the small cemetery. "Whatever it was, we must've chased it off."

"No," Leia argued. "Something is still lurking out in the trees. I can sense it, even if I can't see it."

"That's a good reason to go back inside," Wes stated firmly. "We weren't hired to look for ghosts outside, in case you've forgotten."

"You're afraid," Han goaded. "Admit it."

"I admit I don't like cemeteries, especially at night," Wes said. "And this place is particularly odd." He pointed at the headstones. "Look – all the stones have the last name 'Janson' on them. _My_ last name is Janson. You'd be freaked out, too, if they all had 'Solo' on them."

"This must be a family cemetery," Leia said, suddenly interested in the tombstones. "Look at what this one says; 'Harry 'Deadbeat' Janson has gone away, owing more than he can pay.'"

"I guess they really _are_ your relatives, Janson," Han commented. "This one says, 'Squinty Janson. Here lies Squinty, whose life was full, until he tried to milk a bull.' Yup. You're related to these people, for sure."

"I'm counting thirteen stones," Leia said, flashing her glow rod from one headstone to the next.

They moved on, illuminating each headstone -

**Versa 'Chatter' Janson**

_- Wife of 'One-Toed' Teeker -_

_I put her here beneath this stone_

_For her repose as well as my own_

_--_

'**One-Toed' Teeker Janson**

_He was quick on the trigger_

_But slow on the draw_

_--_

**Ella Janson**

_Always claiming she was sickly_

_It's about high time we believe her_

_--_

**Stranger Janson**

_He was an honest lawyer_

_Nothing is Stranger_

_--_

**Ackmena Janson**

_She ran a dang good race_

_Now you're standing on her face_

_--_

**Krelman Janson**

_- devoted husband of Ackmena -_

_Cut in half during a bar room brawl_

_By some freak-show guy named Maul_

_--_

**Janna Janson**

_Here lies our dear sweet Janna_

_Done in young by a ripe quaranna_

_Weren't the fruit that laid her low_

_It were the skin that made her go_

_--_

**Dort 'Silver-tongue' Janson**

_Always lied while on this planet_

_Now I guess he's lying in it_

_--_

**Myner Janson**

_If yer wondering why he's dead_

_A great big rock fell on his head_

_--_

They read them all in silence until they arrived at the last two, which bore the most recent dates.

"Han," Leia whispered. "Do you see what I see?"

The Corellian shined his light on the first stone, and read, "Prissy Janson. Her last words were, 'I'm gonna light this candle and take a peek, to see if I can't find that smelly gas leak.'" He turned, wide-eyed, to his wife. "It can't be the same Prissy."

"Oh, no?" Wes said with a gasp as he stumbled a few steps backwards. "Then how do you explain this one? Fritz Janson. 'Once I wasn't. Then I was. Now I ain't again?"" Wes turned his horrified expression toward Han and Leia. "They were _dead_ people! We were having a conversation with ghosts!"

"Prissy hugged me," Han pointed out, shaking his head. "She sure felt solid enough."

"Maybe they're zombies, then," Wes said, his voice getting high and squeaky. "Have you ever seen that holo-show called 'Light-Year of the Screaming Space Zombies'? Those undead things went from system to system, consuming everyone in sight. Until they got to the Hutts, and then their stomachs exploded from overeating."

"That might explain our dinner," Han mused thoughtfully. "If they eat Hutts, they must not have good taste buds."

"This is a stupid conversation," Leia said. "Prissy and Fritz can't be dead. I'm sure there is some explanation."

Wes hurried and stood over Prissy's grave. "I think we should get a shovel and start digging."

"Are you crazy?"

"That's the only way we'll know for sure," Wes said in a panic, looking around and pointing off to one side of the cemetery. "Come on, let's go to that shed over there, and find us some tools." He quickly hurried away, waving for Han and Leia to follow.

"Did he say tools, or fools?" Han asked.

"We can't let him go off by himself," Leia said with a sigh. "We need to help him."

"You want us to help him dig up Prissy?" Han asked incredulously.

"If she's not dead, she won't be there."

Han shrugged. "That's true. But, for arguments sake, what if we do find a body?"

"Then we'll just rebury it."

"Isn't this illegal?"

"Since when do you care about legalities?"

"You're right again," Han said agreeably. "I hope we don't get caught by what passes as the local law, because there isn't a hope in hell that Mothma will understand."

"I'll just blame you. She'll understand perfectly."

* * *

"Ectoplasm?" Luke repeated, moving to stick his finger in the substance.

Mara slapped his hand down before he could touch the stuff. "Ghost residue."

"You mean, like ghost poo? I never knew ghosts needed to, um, go."

"Not poo … exactly," Mara explained. "It's something that seeps off their other-worldly forms when they manifest themselves. I guess we're really going to need Lando's pot."

"In more ways than one," Luke said, nodding in agreement. He looked down at the water. "We really should get out of this water before we end up fried."

"That is a very wise suggestion, Master Luke," Threepio said, sounding relieved. "Frying is bad for my circuits."

Mara headed up the stairs, but on the fifth step her foot crashed through the rotten board. At the same moment, the railing came loose, and she tumbled backwards. Luke caught her before she hit the floor, and for a long moment, neither spoke as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"This is so sudden," Luke whispered softly. "I've always wanted to ask you – "

Mara struggled to get away. "Let me go. I don't need your knight-in-shining armor routine, and I sure don't want to marry you!"

"Marry me?!" Luke asked, stunned. He quickly released her. "We haven't even been on a date!"

"I didn't say marry," Mara said hurriedly. "I said, 'carry.' I don't want you to carry me."

"No, that's not what you said."

Mara stuck her finger in his face, and clenched her jaw. "Yes. I did. And if you ever say that again, I'll… I'll…"

Luke started to ask what she'd do, when suddenly the remainder of the rickety staircase came crashing down, creating a large splash. He gazed up at the now far-away exit door. "I sure hope there's another way out of this basement."

"We'll just use our lightsabers and cut through the floor," Mara snapped.

"The floor?" Luke repeated, looking down at the murky water.

Mara pointed up. "I meant the floor of the upstairs. The basement's ceiling." She looked around, located an old dresser to stand on, then reached up with her lightsaber and turned it on. Or, more precisely, _tried_ to turn it on. Nothing happened. "My lightsaber won't work!"

"Here," Luke said, handing his to Mara. "Use mine. Watch out for those electrical wires. They're still hot."

"I'm not an idiot," Mara snapped, as she grabbed his lightsaber and flicked the switch. Nothing happened. She shook it, and tried again. "It won't work, either."

"Are you pressing the right button?"

"I SAID, I'M **NOT** AN IDIOT!"

Luke held up both hands and backed away as Mara jumped off the dresser. "Sorry! Now what do we do?"

"Yes, that is a very good question," Threepio stated, shuffling through the knee-deep water. "If the water reaches my chest, I will most certainly short-out."

"What a pity," Mara muttered.

"We should yell, and see if Han and Leia can hear us," Luke suggested. "They're only up in the attic."

"Fine," Mara huffed. "You yell away, and I'll go find an alternative way of getting out."

"It was just a suggestion," Luke said, annoyed. Then he noticed something they'd overlooked. "A little window!"

Mara whipped her head around and looked up, where Luke was pointing. "Finally, something that proves to me that you do have a brain."


	8. Chapter 8

Wes rattled the door of the shed, frowning when it refused to open. He pushed against the door using his shoulder for leverage, and it still wouldn't give.

By this time, Han and Leia had come up behind their friend. "What's the matter?" Leia asked.

"It's locked."

"Not a problem," Han commented, drawing out his blaster and blasting the handle into a thousand pieces. The door swung open, revealing a small interior area filled with dura-steel tools and various pots, boxes and broken chairs. "All you need is the right type of key, and it opens right up."

"Han," Leia chastised. "You broke the Jansons' shed door."

"If they're dead, they won't care."

Wes nodded in agreement, hurrying inside. He looked around before finally grabbing a shovel and a large, dura-steel pick that he pushed in Han's direction. "This looks like what we'll need."

"Once again, I get to do all the hard, manual labor," Han grumbled.

"I'm going to dig, too," Wes protested, holding up the shovel.

"I should hope so, since this is your idea." Han glared at his wife. "How are you planning to contribute to this felony?"

Leia smiled and shined the glow rod in Han's eyes. "I'll hold the light so you can see what you're doing."

"That won't help a bit," Han responded, blinking into the bright light. "I never know what I'm doing."

"I'm glad you've finally admitted that, dear."

The three headed back to the tiny cemetery, located Prissy's headstone, and got down to the shady business of disturbing Prissy's final resting place.

* * *

With the water now up to their waists, Mara and Luke pushed the dresser over to the window, and found a section of the broken stair rail. The ex-assassin hoisted herself up on the dresser. "There sure are a lot of cobwebs up here," she complained, trying to remove the sticky strands from her face and body. Mara swung the stick against the dura-glass. It took two strikes, but it finally shattered, and she carefully cleaned off the jagged edges that were stuck to the window frame.

Luke had been trying not to look up at Mara's shapely behind, but the temptation was overwhelming. Besides, Luke mentally reasoned, it was dark down here, and what she didn't know…

"It'll be a tight squeeze, but we should fit through," Mara said, twisting around to look down at Luke. Her eyes narrowed when she caught Luke quickly looking away. "Enjoying the view, Skywalker?"

"Uh… I…" Luke stammered, feeling his face blaze bright red with heat.

"MASTER LUKE!?"

Grateful beyond words for the droid's interruption, Luke spun around to look at the stunned droid, who was covered with green goop. "Threepio? What happened?"

"A large blob of what Miss Jade calls ectoplasm came dripping down on my head," the befuddled droid replied as he held up his arm and inspected the sticky substance clinging to his fingers. "I'm afraid I have been slimed, Master Luke."

"We don't have time for this," Mara said, swiping at a cobweb that was stuck in her hair. "Let's get moving."

"Master Luke?" Threepio said worriedly. "Will I fit through the window?"

"Yes, Threepio. You'll get through. I wouldn't leave you down here."

"Thank the Maker," Threepio said with a sigh.

Luke turned his attention to hoisting Threepio up next to Mara on the bureau. "You go out, and I'll push Threepio through," Luke said.

"Keep your eyes where they belong this time," Mara snapped as she wiggled out of the window.

Swallowing hard, Luke jumped up on the dresser beside the droid. "Bend down, so your head can go through first," Luke instructed, as he shoved the PVR, holo-cam and thermal imaging unit out the window. "Mara will grab your shoulders and pull while I push." He glanced backwards at the rising water, which was rapidly getting dangerously close to the overhead wires that were trailing down loosely from the ceiling. When the water touched the wires, the situation would take an electrifying twist.

It took a few minutes, but the droid finally was able to wiggle through the opening, and Luke wasted no time in following him to the safety of the outdoors. Two seconds later, a loud electrical pop could be heard from the basement window, and the wires gave a sputtering final shower of sparks before dying out.

"That was a close call," Luke muttered, attempting to get the tenacious cobwebs out of his face.

"I just can't understand why both of our lightsabers failed to work," Mara said. She turned her saber over as she inspected it, then tried the switch. The lightsaber hummed to life.

"How did that happen?" Luke questioned. He turned on his own lightsaber with no problem, then switched it off again.

"It must have been the spirits sucking the power from the crystal," Mara deducted. "Our lightsabers might have given them the energy to create the ectoplasm."

"That makes as much sense as anything else that's happened to us tonight," Luke agreed.

Mara tilted her head to one side. "I swear I hear voices."

After listening, Luke nodded. "It's coming from behind the house," he whispered. They snuck quietly around the corner, and peered into the gloom.

"Use your thermal imaging unit," Mara suggested, pointing in the direction of the noise.

"I see three hot spots," Luke said excitedly "They look like people. Digging in the ground."

"Digging? In the middle of the night?"

Luke squinted carefully at the thermal unit. "It looks like a cemetery. Someone is over there trying to rob a grave site!"

"If that's the case, those scum wads are about to have the surprise of their lives," Mara said grimly, taking a firm grasp on the hilt of her lightsaber.

* * *

Han's back was starting to hurt, and then his pick hit something quite solid. "I finally found it."

"Good," Wes panted as he leaned heavily against his shovel. "I'm about to keel over."

"At least we'd have a hole already dug for you."

"Beneath this sod is dear old Wes, an X-Wing pilot who was brave," Leia rattled off. "Never once did he suspect, he'd wind up digging his own grave."

"Ha, ha," Wes muttered. "That's not funny."

Leia jumped off Fritz's headstone where she'd been sitting, and ducked down. "Han! Wes! I see someone out there."

"Zombies?" Wes stuttered, dropping his shovel. "They're probably really mad we're bothering their graves."

"Can't say I blame 'em," Han said, moving next to Leia and drawing out his blaster.

"You can't kill Zombies with a blaster!" Wes whispered hoarsely.

Han glanced at the pilot. "Then how _do_ you kill them?"

"I'm not too sure."

"You're not very helpful," Leia said.

"As soon as they get closer, I'm gonna blast them, anyway," Han stated. "It can't hurt to try."

"It'll make them madder!" Wes argued.

Disgusted, Han snapped, "Then I'll push you out from behind this headstone, and me and Leia will run away while they're busy eating you."

"What was I thinking?" Wes said, hitting his forehead with his palm. "Blasters probably _can_ kill Zombies. Go ahead - blast away. Just aim at their heads. I'm pretty sure the experts say that Zombies need their heads more than anything else."

"That's the body part Han uses the least," Leia said.

"Infrequent use of brain cells prevents them from burning out too early."

"Then you should be safe for another two hundred years, dear."

Han ignored Leia's last comment as he lined up his blaster along the edge of the stone. The three figures sneaking toward them appeared like they were draped in gauze, and one being gave off an eerie, greenish cast in the dim moonlight. _Wes might be right about those Zombies, _Han thought as he pulled the trigger.


	9. Chapter 9

Luke's Force-sense tingled a warning of danger, and he immediately ignited his lightsaber while simultaneously pushing both Mara and Threepio toward the ground. Reaching forward, he barely had time to deflect the blaster bolt skyward, out of harm's way. A second later, he could sense Leia's, Han's and Wes's presences in the cemetery. "Wait!" he yelled loudly before Han could fire a second shot. "It's us!"

"Luke?" Han's surprised voice called out from the darkness.

Luke reached over to help Mara to her feet, confused when she angrily pushed him away. "What's the matter?"

"Do you _always_ have to play hero?" she snapped back. "I have my own lightsaber, you know. I can defend myself just fine."

"Well, I'm sorry," Luke spluttered out indignantly. "I didn't have time to analyze the situation in great depth, or have a lengthy meeting with you as to whether or not you sensed danger."

"Be careful," Wes told Han as the three headed toward Luke and Mara. "Maybe it's Prissy and Fritz _pretending_ to be Mara and Luke."

"No," Han disagreed. "That argument sounds like the real deal, alright."

"I don't mind it when you play the hero, Master Luke," Threepio stated as he sat up.

"Why were you trying to kill us?" Mara demanded, glaring at Han as he approached.

"I didn't know it was you," Han protested. "You do look like ghosts with that white stuff stuck all over you. What is that, anyway? And why is Goldenrod green?"

"Cobwebs," Luke said, picking a strand off and watching it flutter to the ground.

"Ectoplasm dripped down and covered me," Threepio continued the explanation as Luke helped him stand. "I do hope this substance isn't corrosive."

"Ectoplasm?" Wes said, his eyes growing wide. "Incredible!"

Han looked askance at his wife. "Couldn't you tell it was Luke out there?"

"No," Leia said, frowning thoughtfully. "The Force acts really strange in this place."

Luke nodded in agreement. "One second you can clearly sense everything around you, and the next, it's blocked - but only in spots. I couldn't tell it was you until after Han fired."

"That's how the experts say the spirits work," Wes said, nodding eagerly. "The Force is an energy, right? Ghosts love eating energy. We've hit the biggest payload possible at the _Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast."_

"I'm not sure Yoda would have approved of ghosts eating the Force for breakfast," Luke mused.

"Or someone is playing games with us," Mara groused. "Maybe they have ysalamiri hidden somewhere." She pointed at the large hole. "I know there's undoubtedly a perfectly reasonable explanation, but why are you digging up a grave?"

"It's Prissy's grave!" Wes said excitedly. "Prissy and Fritz both have headstones in there. I'm guessing they must be Zombies, so we're digging her up to check. If her body's not there, then I'm right."

Mara rolled her eyes. "Zombies? Come on, Janson. Even _you_ can't believe that nonsense."

"Sometimes people put headstones on their sites before they die," Luke pointed out, trying to be a voice of reason.

"These have dates on them," Wes argued.

"You showed up just in time, kid," Han said. "Now you can use that fancy levitation trick to lift off the vault top so we can take a peek inside."

"How did you get talked into this?" Luke questioned his sister.

"Han's a very bad influence on me," Leia replied coyly.

"Hey!" Han objected. "She's the one that talked _me_ into going along with Janson's scheme."

"You have to admit it's plenty strange that Prissy and Fritz have headstones out here," Leia said, giving a small wave toward the hole. "Now, levitate away."

Luke gave a huge sigh. "We've all lost our minds." He concentrated on the hole, and slowly the duracrete lid lifted out and moved slightly to the right before lowering and setting down. Everyone but Mara applauded Luke's demonstration of the Force, and the Jedi took a brief bow, waggling his eyebrows at Mara in jest.

"Show off," Mara sniped, shaking her head.

Luke frowned, then glared at Han and Leia. "I'd bet my last credit that there's something in the Jedi creed that forbids this type of activity."

"More forbidden than checking out a female's backside when the Jedi thinks she isn't looking?" Mara muttered.

Han slapped Luke on the back, grinning in approval. "My young apprentice, I've taught you well. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks. I think."

Wes pointed to the dirt-covered vault. "Now, let's see what's inside. Someone needs to go down there and open it up."

"Don't look at me," Leia stated firmly. "I'm pretty sure something in the Princess creed forbids that type of activity."

Han let out a loud snort. "Good one, sweetheart."

"Wes, you go down," Leia ordered. "This was your idea."

"I'm not going down that hole. Someone needs to be the lookout. It's a dangerous job, but someone has to do it," Wes said, snatching the thermal imaging unit out of Luke's hand, and proceeded to appear busy at searching the perimeter of the property for trespassers.

"Luke and I had nothing to do with this stupid idea of digging up Prissy, so we're not doing it," Mara said. "Wes is too much of a coward - "

"I heard that!" Wes yelled from a safe distance away. "I'm still not going down there, no matter how much you insult me."

"So this is up to me, I suppose?" Han groused.

"Even on the first Death Star, your bravery always impressed me," Leia said with a straight face.

"Flatterer." The Corellian jumped down into the hole, then hoisted himself to sit on the edge of the crate before swinging his legs over to face the coffin. He took a deep breath, leaned closer, and hesitated.

"Are you afraid?" Mara goaded Han.

"Never. Here goes nothing…" Han's fingers located the latch, and then he pushed the lid up, forcing himself not to look away. Confused, he looked up at the Jedi standing over his head.

They all exchanged puzzled looks, and Wes, still standing far away, swung his glow-rod around to face them. "Well?" he demanded. "What is it?"

"The box is almost empty," Leia yelled over to Wes.

"Ha!" Wes declared triumphantly as he stalked over. "I knew it! They ARE Zombies! Wait… what do you mean, _almost_ empty? What's in there?"

"A note," Leia replied, taking the small, yellowed flimsy from her husband as he handed it up, and unfolding it. "It says, 'one rolled shank of griaffulu, ream of cleaning flimies, twelve cans of canine mock-chix stew, two cartons of kaffe…." She stopped reading, and said, "This is a grocery list."

"Who would put a grocery list inside a coffin?" Luke wanted to know.

"It was probably Fritz's idea of a joke," Mara said dryly. "That would be just like a man."

"You really have it in for us men, don't you Jade?" Han asked as he crawled out of the hole.

"Not _all_ men," Mara replied. "Just stupid, annoying ones. That would include you, Solo, and Janson, in case you're wondering."

"I wasn't."

Luke grinned, puffing out his chest. "Notice she didn't include me."

Mara folded her arms across her chest and glared at Luke. The smile faded from his face, and he swallowed nervously.

"Now what should we do?" Luke asked hurriedly, trying to change the subject.

"We need to re-bury the coffin, and then leave the inn, before the Jansons get back," Wes ordered. "Hurry and put the lid back on, Luke."

"Leave?" Mara asked. "I'm the producer, and we'll leave only when I say it's time. We're here to find ghosts, and we're finishing our job." She turned to Luke. "But I do agree we need to re-bury this box. Obey the director, Skywalker."

"Fine," Luke grumbled as he levitated the duracrete lid back into place. "Let the Jedi do everything."

With five people working, it didn't take long to replace the dirt and level the surface of the ground. Then, when they were finally done, they trudged back into the inn, sinking down into the ratty chairs to take a breather.

"Why did you go outside?" Luke asked after a few moments.

"We saw some strange shadows in the cemetery," Leia explained. "So we thought we'd better check it out."

"Nothing was happening up in the attic anyway," Han added. "I'm tired of using that ion zinger thingy. It's boring. I want to use a different piece of equipment. Something exciting."

Wes groaned, and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "You can use the EMG, then. Quit complaining."

"What's an EMG?"

"Electro-magnetic generator," Wes explained. "It reads spikes in electronic currents, like Leia's temperature gauge reads hot spots."

"That sounds thrilling beyond words," Han said sarcastically.

"Did anything exciting occur downstairs, besides poor Threepio getting goop dropped on his head?" Leia asked Mara.

"I'll say," Mara said, leaning forward, waving her arms animatedly as she continued her story. "Water was coming up around our feet, and the stairway collapsed, and we almost got zapped by the overhead wiring. We got out of the basement by breaking a window and crawling through. No sooner had we gotten out, than the water touched the wires and shorted them out."

"Really?" Leia asked, jumping up and hurrying toward the basement door. "I hope the water doesn't rise high enough to come gushing into the living room." She pulled the door open, and shined her glow rod down into the basement. "Mara? Did you say the stairs collapsed?"

"Yes, right when I was walking up, too."

"But…" Leia trailed off slowly.

Luke stood and walked over to Leia. "This can't be!" he gasped out when he looked past the doorway. "The staircase is still in one piece."

"And there isn't a single puddle of water on the floor, either," Leia added.

The rest of the group hurried over and peered down into the basement. "How is this possible?" Mara said, stunned. "We couldn't have both hallucinated the same exact thing."

"I should say not," Threepio piped up. "I was there, and witnessed the very event Miss Jade described. Droids are incapable of hallucinating."

"Besides, our pants are wet," Luke said, before looking down and realizing enough time had passed that they were now dry again. "They _were _wet. Honest."

"Now do you believe me when I say we should get outta here?" Wes demanded. "This place has moved way beyond creepy."

"We're getting to the bottom of this mystery," Mara said firmly. "No one messes with Mara Jade and gets away with it."

"Maybe we should go back down there and keep looking," Luke suggested.

"No," Wes said after a few seconds thought. "If Mara wants to keep looking for ghosts, then we're going to gather around a table and hold a séance, while Threepio records the proceedings."

"Is that a good idea?" Leia asked. "A séance might stir things up even more."

"I've got to agree with Janson on this," Mara said, pursing her lips in consideration. "We need to do something drastic to get results."

"You mean almost getting electrocuted and digging up a grave isn't considered drastic?" Luke asked.

"You're kidding, right?" Han asked. "We blow up Death Stars, get trapped in garbage mashers, almost get eaten by a variety of creatures, and fight off thousands of stormtroopers before breakfast."

"What was I thinking?" Luke said ruefully. "A séance that conjures up thirteen angry ghosts should be a piece of ryshcate."


	10. Chapter 10

Luke helped Wes push a large dining table into the middle of the living room, while Han, Leia and Mara moved the sofa and decorative items out of the way.

"Now we sit around the table and hold hands," Wes ordered, plunking down heavily into a chair and placing a lighted candle in the center. He frowned when no one made a move to sit. "Now what's the matter?"

"I'm not holding hands with you," Mara said firmly. "Luke, you sit next to Janson, and Solo, you sit by his other side."

Han's eyes widened. "There's _no way_ I'm holding hands with a guy."

"I'm not thrilled with the idea, myself," Luke said.

"I don't have any contagious diseases," Wes grumbled.

"Prove it," Han said.

"I'll sit next to you, Wes," Leia said sympathetically as she moved toward the table.

"Uh, uh," Han said, shaking his head and putting his hand on Leia's arm. "I don't want you sitting next to Janson in the dark, either."

"Don't you trust me?" Leia shot out, her tone getting icy.

"I trust you just fine," Han said hurriedly. "It's Janson I have serious doubts about."

"What have I ever done?" Wes protested.

"You look like a groper."

"What!?"

"It's your long fingers," Han explained. "They look like trouble."

"If he tried groping me in the dark, I'd break every bone in his hand. Slowly and painfully," Mara stated.

Wes held up his hand, palm out. "Let's compare. I'll bet yours are longer than mine, Solo."

"This isn't a competition, Janson. 'Sides, I'll freely admit my parts are longer than yours."

"Good stars," Leia said in exasperation. "Someone has to sit next to Janson. Maybe we should draw straws, and whoever gets the short pieces, loses."

"Wins," Janson grumbled.

"Whatever," Leia said.

"This is dumb," Luke complained as he watched Leia tear a flimsy into strips and twist the pieces into thin straws.

Leia turned her back so no one could watch as she placed the four strips into an even line and covered the remaining sections with her fingers. Then she turned and offered one to Han. "You pick first."

Han grabbed one, and inspected it carefully. "Is this short or long?"

"Short. You lose."

"You _win_," Janson strongly reiterated.

"I don't want to hold Janson's hand," Han whined in protest. "This is being recorded, and I'll never live it down."

"Tough. Mara, you're next."

She drew a piece, and smiled in relief. "A long one. I win."

"LOSE!" Janson yelled in frustration, as he pounded the table with his fists. "LOSE!"

Luke licked his lips, and then pulled a straw from Leia's hand. It matched Han's piece. "Damn."

"I'm getting an inferiority complex," Janson griped.

"See?" Mara crowed. "It turned out just like I said in the first place."

Han sat down next to Janson as he glared at Leia. "I think you an' Mara manipulated the Force so it worked out the way you wanted it to."

"Maybe," Leia said. "But we'll never confess."

After a bit more complaining, they all took their respective seats, while Luke and Han reluctantly gripped Janson's hand. Luke's right hand quickly located Mara's slender fingers, and it almost made up for what his left hand was forced to hold.

"Is everyone ready?" Wes called out. "Threepio, make sure you don't miss anything important."

"I will certainly try my best to capture this experience for posterity," Threepio stated, scanning the perimeter of the room with his holo-recorder.

"Shut your eyes," Wes ordered. "And I'll contact the spirits."

"Do you have their otherworldly comm codes?" Han wanted to know. "When I die, I'm making sure my number is unlisted."

"Shut up, Solo," Mara said. "We need to take this seriously."

"Then someone needs to explain to me why I'm here," Han said, then gave a jerk. "OW!"

"What was that?" Luke asked.

"Did a ghost make contact?" Wes asked hopefully.

"Not unless the ghost is named Leia," Han groused.

"Spirits of the afterlife," Wes called out. "Please, let us know if you're here. We are trying to help."

When there was no response, Mara added, "We are here to help you move on… to accept your place with the Force."

"I'm not sure we're qualified to do that," Luke pointed out.

"Can you explain why Prissy's body wasn't in there?" Wes asked. "She isn't a Zombie, is she?"

"Will you quit about the Zombies already, Wes?" Luke asked in annoyance.

"The spirits are never going to respond if we don't concentrate," Wes muttered. "Spirits, please reply. Why won't you leave _The Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast_?"

"They're probably wondering the same thing about us," Han said.

"Han," Leia warned. "Behave!"

Suddenly, the table started shaking, and it slowly lifted off the floor, stopping just short of chin-level before it crashed back down.

Wes turned to Luke. "Did you do that?"

"It wasn't me," Luke protested.

"Me, either," Mara said. "I think we've made contact!"

"Who's there?" Wes called out loudly. "Please identify yourself."

Mara's shoulders gave a shudder, and she tilted her head toward the ceiling. "My naaaaame is Jaaaaannaaaaa Jaaaaansooooon."

"No, it's not," Han argued. "It's Mara."

"Han, please," Leia hissed out. "That's the spirit, speaking through Mara."

"I don't like this one bit," Luke muttered. "I want Mara back."

"Oh!" Han said, nodding in sudden understanding. He leaned toward Mara. "Janna. You're the one that slipped on the ripe fruit?"

"Yeeeessss."

Wes was nearly bouncing up and down in excitement. "Are there more spirits in this room, Janna?"

"Alllllll are preseeent."

"How are you related in the family?" Wes questioned.

"Fritzzzzzz isss my husssbaaaand."

"Fritz?" Leia asked in confusion. "I thought he was married to Prissy."

"Maybe Janna was the first wife," Luke pondered. "Or the second wife."

"Wait a second," Han interrupted. "I want to know how we could've talked to Fritz and Prissy if they're dead."

"Are Fritz and Prissy Zombies?" Wes wanted to know.

"Nooooo."

"Is Prissy married to Fritz now?" Leia asked.

Mara frowned. "I supppooose."

Luke gave a lurch, and his eyes went wide. "Whaddya mean, you suppose?" Luke asked, in a deep voice. "After fifty years, I should have a break once I up and die!"

"That's not what Prissy thinks," 'Janna' replied primly.

"Prissy needs to quit naggin' me to death," 'Fritz' responded hotly.

"How can I nag you to death when you're already dead?" Leia shouted in a very shrill, high-pitched tone.

"What in the seven hells of Corellia is going on here?" Han demanded, glaring at Wes.

Wes shrugged. "They must have a strong connection, because they're all Force-sensitive."

"Wes is a genius," 'Fritz' stated. "I can tell he's a true Janson."

"You think anyone with the last name of Janson is a genius," 'Janna' said, rolling her eyes.

"Why were you talking so strange before?" Han questioned 'Janna' suspiciously.

'Janna' considered Han's question before replying, "I thought you might appreciate the ghostly special effects."

Wes addressed Leia. "Are you Prissy?"

"Sure am!"

"How, may I ask, can both you and Janna be married to Fritz?"

"I'm not married to _him_!" 'Janna' yelled, pointing at Luke. "He's my father-in-law!"

"Huh?" Han questioned in confusion. "You said you were married to Fritz!"

"I am!"

"Apparently, once you die," Han muttered, "You lose your mind as well as your body." No sooner did those words leave his lips than an overhead light fixture came crashing to the floor, missing the seated humans and the table by several feet.

"Now you've made them mad," Wes grumbled.

"That was Teeker," 'Prissy' declared. "He's always had a bad temper and a worse aim."

--


	11. Chapter 11

"Listen," Han said, wagging his finger in 'Prissy's' face. "I want you to get outta my wife's body, this instant!"

Leia twitched, and gave a cheeky grin at Han. "I do like it when a man takes charge," she said in a sexy voice. "As a matter of fact, when he was young, Teeker was a whole lot like you. Why, I do recall on our honeymoon, he managed to punch out a desk clerk at the hotel we were staying at just because the man had the nerve to wink at me! Can you imagine that? Punched the guy right in the nose. There was blood all over the floor, the counter… why, even our satchels got blood on them. They had to haul the poor man to the medics with a busted nasal septum. Could I help it if I was a looker in my day? Then there was the time – "

"Chatter, will you please put a plug in your mouth!" Luke bellowed out in a twangy accent. "Don't you ever stop talking?"

'Chatter' batted her eyes at Luke, who was now apparently possessed by 'Teeker'. "Why, Teeker, sweetums, are you jealous of this handsome fellow?"

"Don't get me all riled up, Chatter," 'Teeker' warned. "None of this furniture is bolted to the floor!" He waved his arm, and a recliner sitting against the wall lifted up several feet and started spinning in circles.

Han glared at Wes, who gave a helpless shrug. "Prissy _did_ leave," he pointed out. Wes turned to Mara. "Is Janna still in there?"

Mara started to cough. "I just can't catch my breath," she said, no longer sounding like Janna in the least. She then waved her fingers in front of her face like a fan. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

"Now, who are you suppose to be?" Han demanded, feeling his temper start to climb.

"My name is Ella," she replied. "I don't feel so good. Is there someplace that I can lie down?"

Wes leaned toward Han and whispered, "That must be the one that was always sickly."

'Ella' burst into tears. "I told them and I told them I wasn't a well sort. No one ever believed me, until it was too late."

'Chatter' giggled. "Ella, honey, you died a day after you turned a hundred and two. How long did you expect to live, anyway? Poor Janna died when she was only twenty-four."

"But she had twenty-four _healthy_ years!" 'Ella' argued, sniffing loudly. "I felt out of sorts for every moment of my hundred and two. Is it cold in here, or is it just me?"

The recliner thudded to the floor with a resounding boom, and 'Teeker' stood up, roaring, "Cold, hot! Hot, cold! I can't stand listening to your complaining anymore!"

'Ella' started bawling at the top of her lungs, and 'Teeker' sat down, shaking his head in disgust.

"Quiet!" another voice came booming out from Leia's mouth. It was deep and throaty, and sounded quite masculine.

"Now a man has taken up residence in my wife?" Han questioned in horror.

"Han," Wes said out of the side of his mouth. "Don't make them madder. Besides, that sounds pretty risqué, and I'm pretty sure Lando wants to keep this show family oriented."

"I'm not a man!" the deep-voice said, sounding offended. "My name is Ackmena. I'm _all_ woman."

"And then some," Luke added, making loud, rather disgusting kissing noises in 'Ackmena's' general direction. He turned to face Wes, sticking out his hand for him to shake. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Krelman, husband of Ackmena."

"The guy that was killed in the bar-room brawl?"

'Krelman' sighed. "I was a bouncer in my wonderful wife's business. How was I to know that Darth Maul was a short-tempered Sith?"

"The lightsaber might have been a hint. Or maybe the horns poking out of his skull," 'Ackmena' said caustically. "I don't know what possessed me to marry a doofus like you, Kelman."

"It's '_Kre_lman', not '_Kel_man', 'Krelman' corrected 'Ackmena' gently.

"Are you daring to dispute me?" 'Ackmena' roared, glaring at a trembling 'Krelman'.

"Never, honey-dear-heart, love-of-my-life," 'Krelman' responding quickly. "You can call me whatever you want."

"Talk about whipped," Wes muttered sadly.

"I'll say," Mara said, now also speaking in a deep voice. "Never took a wife, myself."

"And you would be?" Wes asked politely.

"Myner Janson," 'Myner' replied. "Do yer happen to have any headache meds? I gotta whopper of a migraine."

Han groaned and rubbed his fingers across his eyes. "That makes two of us."

"A rock fell on yer head, too?" 'Myner' asked, then looked down at 'his' body. "Where'd these come from?" he asked in surprise, pointing at 'his' chest.

Luke suddenly stood up, and starting running around the table, waving his arms in the air. "Don't let it catch me! Whatever you do, don't let the bull's horns catch me!"

Mara quickly jumped on top of the table, pointing behind Luke. "You can stop running now, Squinty, because the bull ran the other way."

Luke stopped running, and took a deep breath. "It did?"

"No, of course not!" Mara screamed out joyfully as she jumped up and down. "That ornery bull is about to run you clean through again! There - it just did!"

"AHHH!" 'Squinty' yelled as he grabbed his abdomen, staring down in horror at something only he could see. "Dort, you son of a Sith. Why'd you tell me it stopped chasing me?"

"Duh," 'Dort' snorted. "A cheater never lies, and a liar never cheats!"

"Are you calling me names, Dort?" Leia demanded, leaping up on the table to face Mara.

"You have the nerve to show your face around these parts, Deadbeat Harry," 'Dort' said. "You owe me twelve credits! Now pay up!"

"I'm glad to see that Luke and Leia aren't married to each other anymore," Han commented to Wes. "That was really creeping me out."

"Took you back to the bad old days, did it?" Wes snickered.

"I don't owe you a _quarter _of a credit," 'Harry' responded to Dort, crossing 'his' arms across 'his' chest. "Liar!"

"I'd rather be known as a liar than a slacker," 'Dort' shot back.

"Liar!"

"Slacker!"

"Do you really need credits after you're dead?" Han questioned. He turned his attention from the scene on top of the table to look at Wes. "These ghosts are crazy. Are they done yet?"

"Not quite!" Luke boomed out in a hearty tone. "Here… have my card." He tossed an invisible object toward Han, who made no attempt to pretend to catch. "Attorney Stranger Janson at your service."

"Oh, swell," Han muttered. "That's the only thing we were missing. A ghostly lawyer."

"Well, you know what they say," 'Stranger' said, slapping Han so hard on his back that he pitched forward and his face nearly collided with the top of the table. "The only good lawyer is a dead lawyer!"

"Leia? What are we doing on top of the table?" Mara suddenly asked, shaking her head in confusion.

"I have no idea," Leia replied, while allowing Han to help her step down to the floor.

"Princess? Is that really you in there?"

Leia frowned at Han as he gave her a tight hug. "Who else would I be? Are you feeling alright?"

"She asks _me_ if I'm feeling alright," Han muttered.

Wes poked Luke in his arm. "Are you still Stranger?"

"Don't call me strange," Luke groused. "You're the weird one in this group, Janson." He looked around at everyone. "When are we going to start this séance?"

"We already had the séance," Wes said. "All the ghosts showed up and spoke through you, Mara and Leia." Just then, there was a loud rap on the door and Wes prodded Luke, "You go answer it."

"Why me?" Luke asked. "Threepio, you answer it."

"Me?" the droid said in surprise. "I have been quietly doing my job and recording this bizarre event and now, suddenly, you recall that I am in the room when you want something from me?"

"Yeah," Han said agreeably. "You do come in handy sometimes, Goldenrod."

Threepio reluctantly shuffled over to the front door, and bent forward as he asked through the locked door, "Yes? May I help you?"

"Open up. It's Prissy and Fritz," a male voice called back. "It's almost morning, and we forgot the key."

"Prissy and Fritz are back… with their own bodies?!" Wes asked in abject horror as he stumbled backwards. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, EVERYONE! THE ZOMBIES ARE HERE!"


	12. Chapter 12

Wes turned around on his heel, and started to run toward the kitchen, where he could escape through the back door. Unfortunately, as hard as he ran, it appeared he was getting nowhere. He looked down at his feet, and noticed he was suspended a foot off the ground while his legs were furiously, and fruitlessly, peddling. "Let me go, you kriffing ghosts!"

"It's not a ghost," Mara said. "I'm using the Force to levitate you. You're not running out on us, Janson."

"But there are Zombies at the front door!" he yelled. "Zombies eat living flesh!"

"I find that quite comforting to know," Threepio said.

"Come on, Wes," Luke said, sounding disgusted. "You can't believe in Zombies."

"Well, I never believed in ghosts until now, either," Wes argued. "And unless you, Mara and Leia are award-winning actors, I've been converted over to a true believer."

"Even if Zombies _do_ exist," Leia pointed out, "surely they wouldn't knock on the front door before coming in."

"Wait a lousy second," Han said, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at Wes. "If you didn't believe in ghosts, then what's with all this ghost-finder equipment, and the so-called ghost-facts you kept spouting?"

"I was only doing my job," Wes whined pathetically. "I got those facts from watching late night holo-dramas about haunted mansions. The equipment makes for good props, and I could create lot of drama from temperature fluctuations and fuzzy static on a PVR. Lando has ship loads of money, so he didn't mind buying it. I never thought we'd find _real _ghosts." He waved at Mara, and pointed to his feet. "Put me down."

Mara obliged, and Wes fell down into an inglorious heap on the floor. "You're an idiot, Janson."

"You went along with this holo-show idea, too," Wes complained as he climbed to his feet.

"I like watching Calrissian waste his money," Mara said with a shrug. "A person has to find some enjoyment in life, or what's the point?"

"The Humans - or Zombies - are still waiting to be let inside," Threepio pointed out. "Since it appears I will be safe either way, should I open the door now?"

"Yes, Threepio," Leia said. "It's their house, so we have to let them inside."

"When we're all getting big juicy bites taken out of our necks, don't say I didn't warn you," Wes said, hurrying to hide behind Luke, before whispering in his ear, "Go for their heads. The experts say Zombies need their heads to think straight."

"If they have the ability to think straight, they're a step ahead of you," Luke grumbled.

Threepio opened the door, and stepped aside as Prissy and Fritz hurried inside. "Welcome to the _Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast_, Master and Mistress Janson-Zombies."

Fritz squinted at Threepio. "Are you our new butler droid? Prissy has always wanted one of those. She thinks it'd be high class." He scowled at Prissy. "Did you go and buy a new butler droid without telling me?"

"I most certainly did not," Prissy said with a indignant sniff, then addressed Threepio, "Our last name isn't Janson-Zombie. It's just plain old Janson."

"So you are not dead?" Threepio inquired, tilting his head to one side. "Master Wes will be very pleased to know that."

"Dead? Where'd you come up with that idea?" Prissy asked, trying to get a look at the group of five people standing at the far side of the living room. "We really need to turn on some lights. That little candle isn't good for anyone's eyes."

Fritz flicked the light switch, and nothing happened. "Dang it. This old place is always blowing fuse-rods. Now I have to go downstairs and fix the panel." He shuffled over to the basement stairs, and turned to say before heading down, "I'll be right back, so don't talk about me when I'm gone."

"Fritz always thinks people talk about him behind his back," Prissy said, shaking her head in dismay. "Why are you all so quiet? I thought there was only four of you when we left. Did an unexpected guest show up?"

Mara stepped closer, so Prissy could see her. "Han's wife came to help us, and brought her droid along."

"Hello, Prissy," Leia said, moving forward and shaking the woman's hand. "My name is Leia. It's nice to meet you."

"The droid would be me, C-3PO," Threepio said, waving his arm to get Prissy's attention. "I am programmed for Human- Cyborg relations. I'm afraid you'll have to find a different model to act as your butler droid. I do know of an artoo unit that might – "

"Threepio," Luke interrupted. "Don't you dare try and give away Artoo again."

"Why do you already have headstones out in the cemetery?" Wes demanded. "We dug up your grave, and you weren't down there."

Prissy's face took on an expression of confusion. "You dug up _my_ grave? Whatever are you talking about?"

"You're not supposed to confess to a crime _before_ you've been accused of committing it, Janson," Han grumbled. "As a matter of fact, you're not supposed to confess even _after_ you've been accused."

"You're certainly the expert in that field, Solo," Mara said.

"We do have a good excuse," Wes told Prissy, then looked imploringly at Luke, who just held up his hands to indicate he wasn't going to help.

Prissy folded her arms across her chest just as most of the inn's lights came back on, although the living room remained relatively dim. "What happened to that light fixture?" she asked, pointing to the object.

"Teeker did it. Or Luke," Wes explained hurriedly. "You can blame either one, just don't blame me."

"Hey, I resent that," Luke said. "I don't remember knocking that fixture down."

"I'd like to hear your excuse for digging up a grave," Prissy barked out. "It'd better be a good one, too."

"I'm thinking," Wes said, rubbing his chin. "Well, um,… you see…"

"Two headstones had your names on them," Leia tried to explain. "Prissy and Fritz Janson. So, naturally, Wes assumed you both were Zombies."

"Naturally," Prissy said snidely.

"You'll have to admit it's a bit odd," Luke said, trying to help Leia.

"Then, when we were having the séance, Janna showed up and told us she was married to Fritz," Han continued. "That made no sense at all, 'cuz then she said Fritz was her father-in-law, too."

"Makes perfect sense," Fritz boomed out as he exited the basement stairway, looking quite angry. "Poor Janna was my lovely wife, and my name _is_ Fritz."

Wes stomped his foot in frustration. "But you're buried out in the cemetery!"

"Ain't neither!" Fritz yelled back. "I'm standing right here, ya fool!"

"I do believe they dug up our dear mother's final resting place, Fritz," Prissy said, wiping her watering eyes. "I think you oughta punch them in their kissers for such a wicked, wicked deed."

"Your… mother?" Mara asked, stunned. "Prissy was your _mother_?"

"And Fritz was our father," Fritz explained. "So it makes perfect sense Fritz Janson, The First, was Janna's father-in-law."

Han threw up his arms. "Wait a second! You two aren't married? I mean, to each other?"

"Lordy, I would hope not," Prissy said. "I'll bet there are laws against siblings getting hitched. Just like there are laws about digging up dearly departed parents."

"We put everything back the way we found it," Wes protested weakly.

"I'd just like to know which one of you scallywags broke the window down in our basement. Someone better replace it, because it sure ain't gonna be me!" Fritz roared out, his face getting red and his veins popping out against his skull.

"Wait until he sees his shed," Han deadpanned.


	13. Chapter 13

"Shed?" Fritz barked out thunderously. "What did you worthless cretins do to my shed?"

"Solo did it," Wes rushed out. "Blew the door clean off its hinges."

Leia decided it was time for some diplomacy. "Everyone needs to calm down," she said, putting on her best political voice. "Let's have a seat around the dining table, and discuss this rationally. I'm sure we can settle everything once we have a chance to explain our viewpoints."

Han put his arm around Leia's shoulders, grinning broadly. "My wife loves discussing things in a committee." He jumped, grabbing his side as Leia gave him a sharp jab with her elbow. "Ow."

Prissy sank down into a seat, still dabbing her eyes. "I'm waiting for your explanation."

The rest of the group took chairs around the table, and Luke cleared his throat before speaking first. "Mara and I went down into the basement, and suddenly water started rushing in. Before we could get up the stairs, they collapsed. We had to break the window to escape, so we didn't get electrocuted."

"Those stairs appear to be plenty sound to me," Fritz grumbled.

"It must have been the spirits that put them back," Luke said lamely.

"You did say they've been causing problems," Mara pointed out.

"When Han, Wes and I were up in the attic, I thought I saw shadows out in the cemetery, so we went to investigate," Leia plowed on. "That's when we saw what we believed were your headstones. Although, apparently, we were very mistaken."

"You could've told us about the family cemetery," Wes said petulantly. "Then we wouldn't have thought you were Zombies."

"You're the genius that decided they were Zombies, Janson," Han said. "And digging up Prissy was your idea."

"She wasn't there!" Wes shouted across the table at Fritz. "How do you explain that?"

"Didn't you read the headstone?" Prissy asked, exasperated. "Once, a long time ago, this hotel had six buildings for guests, each with its own cute theme. It was a real classy establishment. But then our poor mother investigated a gas leak after a guest complained about an odor." She threw up her hands and yelled, "BOOM! Poor Mother Prissy was blown clear into orbit, along with the Tropical Keekee Hut building. Poor Father Fritz was so distraught, he couldn't function properly. He buried the last thing Mother Prissy ever held in her hand, which was her grocery list. Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard of?"

No one knew quite how to reply to that. "So we didn't disturb her remains," Wes finally said. "I mean, if she was never down there, we didn't really dig her up. Right?"

"I suppose not," Prissy admitted.

"Did I hear you correctly?" Fritz said. "You spoke to our ghosts?"

"Yes," Wes said, eager to change the subject from Prissy's grave. "We had a séance, and all the ghosts showed up and spoke through Luke, Leia and Mara. They're probably still here."

"Course they are," Fritz replied. "Where else would they go?"

"That's true, so we have to act fast," Wes said, jumping up and rushing toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Mara demanded. "I'm the producer, so whatever you're planning on doing, you'd better clear it with me."

"I'm going out to the hovercar," Wes informed her. "We have to set up the equipment to use the Ghost Holder." He waved at Luke and Han. "I'll need some help, since we have to suck up all the ghosts into the Holder before dawn, and we don't have much time."

"Ghost Holder?" Han questioned, looking at Luke for clarification.

Luke shrugged. "From the way Mara described it, I'm guessing it looks like a big vacuum cleaner."

After bringing in the cylinder shaped object, Wes waved his hand dramatically, and indicated Threepio should focus in closely on the machine. "There it is – _The Calrissian Blue-Ghost Sucker-Upper_, model Five-Thousand. Guaranteed to suck up your annoying ghosts, or your money back. But wait! There's more! Not only can it suck up ghosts, the special pot-container, named the _Calrissian Ghost Holder_, all patents pending, is guaranteed to imprison Blue-Ghosts for at least one hundred standard years, or until the dura-steel rusts, whichever comes first."

"That sounds mighty impressive," Prissy said, nodding sincerely.

They worked quickly to set up the strange barrel-shaped object about three feet high, which had a silver-domed top and a long, flexible tube sticking out of the side. When it was fully assembled, Threepio commented, "The Sucker-Upper Five-Thousand appears to closely resemble Artoo. I always suspected that his family tree contained vacuum appliances."

Wes plugged in the cord, and ordered that all the lights be turned out once again. "We know you're still here," Wes yelled out into the darkness as he grabbed the end of the tube. "Now, watch this!" He flicked a switch on the Ghost Holder, and the domed top started rotating and flashing a series of sparkling lights.

"When does the music begin?" Han wanted to know. "I'm getting the urge to put on a white polo-netter suit and start dancing."

"The experts say that ghosts like sparkling, shiny objects," Wes informed the group. "They'll start moving in right about now…getting closer and closer to inspect it, and when they least expect it..." He pressed a button, and an extremely loud, humming noise filled the room, forcing everyone to cover their ears. Wes struggled to maintain control of the bucking tube. Small knickknacks sitting several feet away flew across the room and disappeared down the pipe. The draperies pulled and strained against their rods as they were pulled toward the vortex.

Eerie sounding screams, both male and female, filled the room, louder than the sucking noise of the Ghost Holder. Suddenly, everyone could actually _see_ the blue ghostly apparitions, spinning around over their heads. The blue ghosts desperately tried to resist the powerful suction, but they swirled closer and closer until Ella was sucked inside, complaining, "I'm so dizzy, I think I may puke."

She was followed into the machine by Stranger, who entered the tube threatening to sue everyone involved with SAPS.

"Look!" cried Fritz, pointing at the ceiling. "There go Mother and Father!"

"Mother's in one piece, too," Prissy said in awe.

"And my dear wife, Janna," Fritz said, as the next ghost approached. "She looks as lovely as the day she fell down those dang basement steps."

"You're the one that left that quaranna skin on the floor, Fritz," Janna shouted as she went zipping past. "Don't think for one second that I don't know it!"

"I didn't do it on purpose," Fritz muttered.

"This is all your fault, Kelman" Ackmena was heard accusing her husband as she disappeared into the tube.

"It's Krelman, not Kelman," Krelman yelled back as he followed his ghostly wife.

One by one they got sucked up, until Teeker, cussing up a storm, was the last captured.

Just when everyone thought they would become permanently deaf, Wes turned off the machine, and quickly slipped a flat disk over the opening of the tube. "There! We caught them!"

Mara turned on the lights, and pulled back the dusty drapes. "Just in time, too. The sun is starting to come up."

Wes slapped Fritz on the back, grinning. "I told you not to worry, and that everything would be fine."

"You never told them that," Han groused.

"Then I meant to," Wes said, frowning at Han before looking back at Fritz. "We'll have our equipment removed in a few hours, and then we'll be moving out."

Mara added, "Whatever collateral damages may have occurred, just send the bill to Lando Calrissian, Executive Producer of Blue-Ghost Hunters, Intergalactic. He'll take care of everything."

To everyone's shock, Prissy burst into tears. "Fritz, this is just wrong."

"No, it's fine," Han said soothingly. "Calrissian will be thrilled to pay. You can even add emotional damages to the bill. Include something extra for my emotional damages, while you're at it."

"That's not what she means," Fritz stated firmly.

"I'm glad you know what she means," Leia said. "The rest of us are a bit confused."

Prissy stood up and walked over to the Ghost Holder. "Those are our dear relatives inside that thing. We can't keep them locked up!"

"I agree completely," Fritz stated.

"WHAT?" Wes yelled. "You want us to free them? After all we went through to catch them?"

"It would be inhumane to keep them trapped like womp-rats," Fritz said. "So you'd better let them go, Wes Janson."

"INHUMANE?!" Wes screeched in frustration. "They're GHOSTS!"

"What about all the problems they were causing?" Mara asked, stunned.

"Silly pranks," Prissy replied.

"You told us they were trying to kill you," Han pointed out.

"I may have exaggerated," Prissy said. "Besides, it isn't any of your business if we want to keep our ghosts here."

"She's got a point, Wes," Leia stated. "All good business-beings know that the customer is always right."

"And if you don't let them go, I will," Luke warned.

"Lando is going to kill me," Wes moaned as he pulled the lid off the Ghost Holder.


	14. Chapter 14

Epilogue

Talus

Lando Calrissian angrily waved the piece of flimsy in the air as he sat at the head of his expensive executive board table inside his luxurious penthouse. "Do you know what this is?" the refined man asked, outraged.

"No," Leia replied. "It's hard to read while you're waving it around."

"It's a bill!" Lando replied in annoyance. "A fifty-five thousand credit BILL! From the Jansons' lawyer, demanding physical and mental compensation for extensive damage to their…" He paused, reading from the flimsy, "'Extensive and unreasonable damages to the upstanding fine dining and overnight establishment, duly and legally known as the _Happy Knight Bed and Breakfast_, henceforth and herein referred to as the 'Happy Knight', for the rehabilitation and/or replacement of the viewing dura-glass as well as the framework enclosing said dura-glass, located in the substructure area of the 'Happy Knight'; and for the movable panel which allows entrance into and out of the 'Happy Knight's' freestanding storage structure, as well as the framework which holds said movable panel in place at the freestanding storage structure; and for the antique chandelier as well as the brackets, sockets, and all incandescent illumination bulbs for said chandelier, located in the communal fine dining area of the 'Happy Knight,' as well as irreplaceable antique souvenirs."

Lando paused for a moment to catch his breath, and waited for someone to make a comment. When no one spoke, he continued reading, "Also, it has been noted that severe water damage occurred in above stated substructure, the cause of which was the direct result of overloading the fuse-rod panel with excessive quantities of high-voltage equipment put in place by the members of 'Space Aces Pursing Specters', a.k.a. 'SAPS', legal employees of Blue-Ghost Hunters Intergalactic Holo-Production Company, thereby causing the substructure water pump to cease functioning, whereas said water damage then resulted in said substructure growing copious amounts of fungi, which can only be remedied by highly trained, specialized fungus-removal experts and fungus-removal equipment.' It also goes on to say something about desecrating a gravesite, and that Prissy Janson now has a hard time sleeping at night. Do you people have no shame?" He stopped ranting and glared at the silent group. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"Their lawyer must charge by the word," Han mumbled.

"We could always start a new business as fungus-removal experts," Luke quipped.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Lando roared.

"Calm down, Calrissian," Mara said. "I'm sure the holo-show will be a hit, and you can use the credits as a tax write-off."

"What holo-show?" Lando asked heatedly. "The letter goes on to say the Jansons signed the contract under duress and false pretenses, and I don't have any right to use their name, location, or any recordings taken on their property."

Wes coughed. "Well, that's probably a good thing."

"Why is that?"

"Um, you see, when the fuse-rod blew, all the holo-recorders stopped working, so we don't have much material. I also went through the hand-held PVR and Thermal Imagining Unit recordings, and nothing much showed up there, either."

"What about Threepio's holo-cam?" Leia questioned. "He was recording when all the impressive stuff was happening."

"Impressive stuff?" Luke repeated, sounding incredulous. "From the description Han told us, the galaxy is going to witness Jedi Skywalker running around a table being chased and gored by an invisible bull, and Princess Leia and Mara Jade standing on the table accusing each other of being liars and cheats. You'd want everyone to see us acting like we've lost our minds?"

Leia pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Not when you put it that way."

Threepio piped up nervously, "There was a small problem with the holo-cam, Mistress Leia."

"What problem, Threepio?"

"There wasn't a recording disc inserted while I was using the holo-cam," the droid said reluctantly. "But Master Wes never informed me that it wasn't loaded."

"You should've noticed!" Wes yelled, shifting in his chair so as not to face Lando directly. "The holo-cam flashes a red light when there isn't a disc inserted. Everyone knows that."

"Oh," Threepio said. "I was wondering what that little red light indicated." The droid perked up. "My programming does allow me to have an excellent memory recall. I could give a detailed recitation as to the exact events that transpired during the séance."

"We'd much rather that you didn't," Luke said.

"So we have nothing," Lando grumbled. "Except a fifty-five thousand credit bill."

"We got a lot of experience in ghost hunting," Wes said, trying to sound upbeat. "That has to count for something. For the next holo-show, I mean."

"It doesn't count for a dura-crete credit," Lando shot back. "There isn't going to be another episode. You're all fired."

"Damn," Han said with a straight face. "It's always the same old story. I can never hold down an honest job." Han looked at Leia as he stood up. "Can we go home now?"

"Of course, dear," Leia said. "But I have one question for Lando. Who did the Jansons hire as their lawyer?"

Lando frowned as he flipped through the sheets of flimsies, until he got to the last page. "Here it is. Attorney Stranger Janson."

"Why am I not surprised?" Leia remarked, rising from her seat and looping her arm through Han's. "Come on, Threepio. We're going home. I miss the children."

"Do I have to keep looking for a real job?" Han asked his wife.

Leia laughed. "Being my husband is a real, full-time job, Nerf. Sometimes it's even dangerous, too."

"Sometimes?" Han repeated. "Try almost every single day."

"We are going home! Thank the Maker," Threepio said, hurrying behind the Solos. "I've seen enough Blue-Ghosts to last a lifetime."

Luke heaved a sigh as he got up to leave. "I'd better head to Yavin, and go back to the boring life of being a Jedi teacher."

"It doesn't have to be boring," Mara remarked.

"Do you have a way to make it exciting?"

Mara smiled, and held out her hand, amused when Luke blushed as he grasped her fingers lightly. "Of course. I'll come back to Yavin and train with you."

Luke's face broke into a huge smile. "You will?"

"For a while," Mara quickly added. "Don't get _too_ excited, Farmboy."

After Luke and Mara left the room, Wes and Lando stared across the table at each other. "Do you suppose there's money in fungus-removal?" Lando pondered aloud.

"I'm not sure, but I can always ask the experts," Wes volunteered.

**THE END**


End file.
